"The Real Me"

Foolish heart looks like we’re here again
Same old game of plastic smiles don’t let anybody in
Hiding my heartache will this glass house break?
How much will they take before I’m empty?
Do I let it show? Does anybody know?
But You see the real me Lord hiding in my skin broken from within
Unveil me completely I’m loosening my grasp
There’s no need to mask my frailty 'cause you see the real me
Faded heart life is behind a mask
Self-inflicted circus clown I’m tired of this song and dance
Living a charade always on a rade what a mess I’ve made of my existence
But you love me even now, still I see you somehow
You see the real me Lord hiding in my skin broken from within
Unveil me completely I’m loosening my grasp
There’s no need to mask my frailty ‘cause you see the real me
Wonderful, beautiful that’s what You see when You look at me
You’re turning the tattered things of my life into a perfect tapestry
Oh, I just want to be me I want to be me
But You see the real me Lord hiding in my skin broken from within.
Unveil me completely I’m loosening my grasp
There’s no need to mask my frailty, ‘cause you see the real me
And You love me just as I am
Wonderful, beautiful is what You see when You look at me

-Natalie Grant



Because I want to be beautiful
Because everyone will envy me
Because I will have so much confidence
Because I will look good in any outfit
Because I will not be jealous of anyone
Because I will not be self-conscious
Because I am sick of this cycle of eating
Because I haven’t succeeded yet
Because I don’t want to be crazy forever
Because I want to be better
Because I don’t want to be fat
Because fat is hideous
Because I am not comfortable in my own skin
Because I will be
Because it is all I can think about
Because I’ve come this far
Because I am sick of waiting
Because I want her to be me
Because I am stronger than food
Because I am stronger than genetics
Because food poisons me
Because food makes me physically ill
Because God gave me willpower
Because I have to break the addiction
Because I will hate myself if I don’t
Because I cry every night out of disgust at myself
Because I am afraid to weigh myself
Because the glory will be mine
Because I have to endure
Because I can be perfect, I just have to be strong
Because of yesterday
Because of tomorrow
Because of today
Because I will surprise everyone
Because my bones are almost showing
Because food isn’t good for anything
Because I’ve let myself go too much
Because carbohydrates are the devil
Because I won’t get any satisfaction from eating
Because everyone thinks I can’t do it
Because no one takes me seriously
Because I cry when I look in the mirror
Because it will make me happy
Because I will prove that I can succeed
Because I’ve wanted this for years
Because I can do it!
Because I’m almost there
Because I’ve worked so hard
Because I don’ t deserve to eat yet
Because every girl will want to be me
Because will be better than everyone
Because I will look better than everyone
Because the scale tells the truth
Because I will beat the odds
Because I will do whatever it takes
Because I don’t need food to survive
Because tastes never last
Because weight lasts forever
Because MK can do it, I can too
Because I will love myself for once
Because double-digits have been my dream
Because hard work WILL pay off
Because other girls believe in me
Because I will look like a model
Because food is overrated
Because I am better than that
Because no one wants a cow.


This is something that has been puncturing holes in my heart for months. Am I worth it? Am I beautiful? Who am I to others, and more importantly, who am I to God? This is a poem of what I used to believe. And in the conquest of being completely honest no matter how brutal that is, some of those thoughts still rack my brain. But I know that the Lord does NOT view me in this light. What I think about myself is a sin to Him! It breaks HIS heart, because I am made in His perfect image! Learning to listen for His voice is a journey that is long, winding, but never-ending. Even when I can't find Him, He's always waiting for me. If I let go of the promises He has made to me- He has never failed before- I will lose everything. When I feel as if no one in the world understands where my thoughts come from, He knows. Only by His grace am I where I am today.