Monday, December 26, 2011

Pain and Suffering

So it's been a busy few months, but quiet as far as writing is concerned. Nursing school takes up quite a bit of time. I've learned a lot about my journey with God on the way. Here is my devotion for today:
The truth that many people never understand, until it is too late, is that the more you try to avoid suffering the more you suffer because smaller and more insignificant things begin to torture you in proportion to your fear of being hurt. --Thomas Merton

I've spent a lot of my time in fear lately: fear that I was not chosen for this nursing program for the right reasons, fear that I would have absolutely no idea what I was doing (which I didn't!), fear that I would have bad grades, fear that I worked so hard all summer to get ready for this and then I would want something else, fear that I would just ultimately fail. I felt that I was failing in my OWN eyes, although my sight does not truly matter, but the sight of God. I kept waiting for one day where I would find happiness, some satisfaction, some thing that would make me feel proud of myself for my work. At the end of the day, though, at the end of my life, it won't be about how much work I did. It won't be about my grades or what my diploma says, what my credentials are. It will be whether or not I completed my life on my knees, before God, who gave me the opportunities. I learned that I was hurting in places that I didn't know could hurt, for reasons unknown; a chronic sadness existed. But it's because so much sadness exists, that the capability for joy increases exponentially. I must be satisfied with the Lord and nothing else.

Friday, August 26, 2011

QUENTIN


















A post dedicated entirely to my beautiful and adorable: Q U E N T I N

Life.




It sickens my stomach to think that I haven't written anything since June? JUNE? My June, when my summer was just beginning? And now it's August 26th? I just want to throw up! I'm sorry to anyone, even though I'm guessing I'm the only reader of this anyways........

To wrap things up, it was essentially six non-stop online science courses with lab, a nursing assistant certification, ordering nearly $1,000 worth of nursing textbooks just for the first semester, which starts September 6th. I've gone all week not eating since the State Fair's here and we will be attending next weekend. I feel like I've wasted so much of my time with MORE school, even though I just graduated. Things are starting to hit me. I'm now ALMOST the only single person left on the planet and I am okay with that. I am so happy for all of my engaged, married, and babies-on-the-way friends. Truly. God's blessings to all of you! He has such a wonderful plan for everything.



Started my own card making business and am writing a book.

Life is good.
God is GREAT.


Peace.

Thursday, June 9, 2011

It's Summer. Finally.

Well, it's summer. Finally. And it seems that I haven't written since FEBRUARY, so I feel real ashamed. The craziness of life kind of buried me deep in this cave. I've been going crazy trying to apply for nursing programs! Yes, deciding to go back into nursing has been the biggest curve lately. I've spent six months now emailing, endlessly calling, paying money for transcripts, mailing bills and responses back and forth, really everything you can think of that relates to going back to school-- all while maintaining five summer classes and NAT training next week.

All I can say is that I got my first acceptance letter into a nursing program yesterday, and after this all being such a long process, ALL the praise goes to God. Amen! My Savior be adored, He never forgets about us.

I look up at Your heavens, shaped by Your fingers, at the moon and the stars You set firm, so what are human beings that You spare a thought for them?
Psalm 8

He has been faithful to me ever since I began all this, really putting things on my heart like where I see myself, where to apply, and keeping that firm peace in my heart, knowing that I will end up wherever He wants me to.

There is definitely more to come, but I felt the need to provide a much-needed update!

Friday, February 25, 2011

A Short Visit Here

In my devotion today I was reading about Thomas À Kempis, a Catholic monk from the 1300's. The lesson he provided today was very helpful to me, as I've been thinking about this non-stop for months. He writes: "We strive for Earth's honors-- sports trophies, academic degrees, career success-- and that's valid and good. Yet we must keep all achievements in perspective, for life is fleeting and the bottom line is living in the Spirit and serving Christ. Where are now all those Masters and Doctors you knew so well in the full flower of their learning? Others now sit in their seats and they are hardly ever thought of. Oh, how swiftly the glory of the world passes away!"

I've been thinking so much about life changes. God's been preparing my heart for these changes over the course of the past six months. In August I could take nothing more than one day at a time, so different from where I'd been my entire life before: preoccupied with planning my future. I learned today at work about four of the most common neurological sorting systems that people have. These basically give people an idea of how God wired them. They're not exactly things you can change, and they often cause frustrations; but the key is learning what and who you are and how to nourish outside relationships so that you can thrive as one of God's children.

A person can be in-time (being present in the moments of everyday life) or through time (concerned with the past and future); moving towards (moving towards positive opportunities and taking chances) or moving away (moving away from negative things in life and putting up walls as a defense mechanism); same sorting system (seeing the similarities and opportunities in things) or difference sorting system (seeing the differences in things); and sort by self (not selfish, but concerned with how situations affect the self) or sort by others (concerned with the welfare of others so much that neglect of self occurs). Well, needless to say I was evenly distributed for two of the assessments (same/difference and moving away/moving toward) and extreme on the other two (sort by others and through time). I figure that I'm also definitely a moving away personality but for some reason the assessment didn't tell me that. I already know that. Anyway, we discussed as a class how the person you spend the rest of your life with is most likely the opposite of your own characteristics, and God again designed us this way. Whichever systems you find yourself more prone to, you're required to spend a majority of your time with people who are the opposite in order to grow. This causes frustration and disagreement but the most personal growth.

ANYWAY, that just all made me realize more about myself and where I'm going. Since I'm one of those through time people, I need to surround myself with others who know how to live in the moment. I've been so concerned with finding the perfect Christian program for nursing that I can; and I've ended up tying myself into my own complicated spider web. You must destroy the spider in order to eliminate the web, right? Otherwise the web will just continue to be spun?

Trusting God is an area in which I need to continue to grow. I always think that I feel the Lord speaking to me about something and then I start towards it but find that something goes wrong. I'm obviously the factor that remains the same every time, so I know my perspective needs to change.

"Keeping the spiritual and temporal balance happens only through humble and frequent prayer. As we recognize how dependent we are on God, we receive His blessings with less vanity and more joy."

Psalm 90:12 says, "Teach us to realize the brevity of life, so that we may gain hearts of wisdom."

Sunday, February 20, 2011

Dispelling Melancholy

Tonight's devotion talks about the LORD making us instruments of His peace: "LORD, make me an instrument. Use me." When we pray this, "the world ceases to be one's enemy. Life is no longer nasty, mean, brutish, and short; but the time one needs to make it less nasty and mean. We are brought back instantaneously to the reality of our faith, that we are NOT passive recipients but active instruments." St. Francis of Assisi wrote this:
"Where there is hatred, let me sow love. Where there is doubt, let me sow faith. Where there is despair, let me sow hope."

I really need to hear this tonight. I've still been struggling with my self-image; loneliness; depression; and where I'm supposed to be going in life. Since December I've been set on going back for my Master of Nursing, and there are all of these doubts that keep showing up at the door. They're pounding! I feel like I'm not doing anything right. I prayerfully make these decisions and feel like the Lord is calling me to something; and yet the realities and practicalities all come flooding back. Ministry or nursing? Why not both? And why is there this need for me to be at a private school? Is it just because I'm scared to be at a public school again and to face so many people? Am I that selfish that I need a small campus where my faith is promoted? I just don't know anymore. My head is swimming with ideas and possibilities and past failures and all. I know I preach not living in the past, which, with the exception of my schoolwork, I don't. I look at where I was a year ago and am disgusted with my faith. I was drowning in depression and self-infliction and I had fallen away from the Lord because I didn't even know how to approach Him. Today that's so different, but I'm still searching for answers.

I created this theory tonight: So loneliness is the physical act of being by oneself. Emptiness is what stems as a result. But loneliness is real and emptiness is not. In fact, I think emptiness is self-infliction at its highest. Emptiness means that you're letting that loneliness take over who you are; your thoughts; mostly your faith. You start to ask why no one else around you feels this empty and low. You ask yourself why you're not good enough for anyone. Time alone destroys the mind. It allows the enemy to knock you down at your lowest point; rather than accepting that yes, you may be alone but knowing that God's using that in some way. Just my thoughts!

Blessings!

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Rest in the LORD

Matthew 11:28, Psalm 34:18, Proverbs 3:5-6, Revelation 21:4; these are only a decimal of the verses I need to hear today. I've just returned from Israel. I know, I know, it's the Holy Land. I should be so thrilled and blessed that I had the opportunity to walk where Jesus walked! And I am! It was the most amazing thing I've ever done and ever will do-- the peace that "transcends all understanding" was so beautiful to have. I was so overcome with emotion of what Jesus went through. For ME, a sinner. A hater. An ungrateful soul who is spoiled. Us people, who grow angry at stupid things, and the list goes on and on and on. I started reading Brennan Manning's The Ragamuffin Gospel and it talks exactly about this: God's abundant grace for us abundant sinners and unworthy. Who are WE that the LORD would take pleasure in us? Send Jesus to serve and heal us? Forgive us for the things we do?

Even in the shadow of all this, I found myself growing frustrated with stupid things today. I was driving around in my car in the city; and people in other cars were making me angry. I got terribly lost and wasted an hour, which made me angry. These things that catch us up smack in the middle of life make us stop and realize that this IS life! This is what it is! Offer what you're doing to God, just as Brother Lawrence says. Recognize God's will in all things doubtful. I truly need to remember that. Be alert to what the Spirit is doing at ALL times in your life. No matter what you're doing, God is there. He is there when you are happy, sad, angry, frustrated. Every minute.

How Did Brother Lawrence Do It?

February 9th.

"Brother Lawrence committed mind and soul to unbroken communion with God, continuously occupied with praising, worshiping, and loving Him. How could he pull that off moment by moment in a busy kitchen or while traveling?

He persevered in training himself to do EVERYthing in the kitchen or on the road, for the love of God.

He prayed at every juncture for God's grace to do the work.

He gave no thought to death or his sins, but only to doing small things for the love of God. Great things, he said, he was unable to do.

He realized God was intimately present withing him and so he constantly asked for His help.

He was alert to recognize God's will in "all things doubtful."

When he saw what God required, he did his very best.

He offered what he was doing to God.

After doing it, he gave THANKS to God.

He said, "There is not in the world a way of life more sweet, nor more delightful than continual converse with God. Only those who practice and savor it can understand."

Read Colossians 4:2.

Friday, February 4, 2011

Gracious and Merciful

February 5th discusses more on 1 Corinthians 13, the ultimate love verse! I love it, love it, love it. Such powerful words to convey one message: love.

And then February 6th is about realism. Money wisdom. It essentially comes down to this: GAIN ALL YOU CAN. SAVE ALL YOU CAN. GIVE ALL YOU CAN. Whatever you have left, give. Matthew 6:20 makes this clear. "Store your treasures in heaven, where moth and rust cannot destroy, and thieves do not break in and steal. Wherever your treasure is, there the desires of your heart will ALSO be."

February 7th talks about God's transformation of us-- how we go from absurd living to obedient living. Again, short and simple! Obedience also requires listening, the most important step. We seem "much more wired to make personal decisions and requests just to talk, than to listen." Silence speaks a thousand words, it's true. Henri Nouwen continues by saying, "Our God is a God who cares, heals, guides, directs, challenges, confronts, corrects, and forms us." So EVERYTHING WE ARE IS CHRIST!

February 8th can be summed up with one of my favorite verses: Lamentations 3:22. It says, "Because of the LORD's great love, we are never consumed, for His compassions NEVER fail. They are new EVERY morning; great is Your faithfulness." This paints such a beautiful image for me. We're here on Earth living life from day to day. We may feel consumed by the things we face, but we are not being consumed by anything but the LORD's love for us. For me. For you. God is forgiving. He sent His son, and He loves us with mercy and grace (Psalm 111:4).

Escaping Small Imprisonments

John Henry Jowett writes that faith is doing God's will and quietly leaving the results to Him. I like that. Simple, makes sense. John says this brings peace. "He shall not panic, neither fetching fears from yesterday nor from tomorrow." We're supposed to leave everything in our LORD's hands, right? We've heard this. "Cast all your anxieties on Him, for He cares for you," says 1 Peter 5:7. YOU personally! How wild is that? We know that life is fragile-- that love is fragile. People can hurt, grow, and learn. Yet what choice do we have but to place our anxieties into those whose perfect hands can mold our problems and bring the most beautiful, unexplainable resolutions?

Jowett says it's enough to feel pressure of a guiding hand. "He brings us out of our small imprisonments and sets our feet in a large place." Think of the sky. Use this as an analogy. God told Abraham to leave his tent that evening and look up to the sky, where He was. Abraham did. We have this same opportunity every day. We can wake up in the morning, do all the things to get ready, but we have to step out the front door at some point, right? It's then and there that we decide who we are going to submit to-- God or anyone else?

"Father, You see how anxious I am about so many things, including regrets from yesterday and fears for tomorrow. Open my mind, heart, and spirit to Your grandeur and love."

Psalm 98:1 says, "Sing a new song to the LORD, for He has done wonderful deeds."

AMEN! On the day that I am supposed to be leaving for Israel, here I am worrying about tomorrow-- worrying about unknown fears, what people think of me, how can I do this when the longest flight I've ever endured was 5 hours? Now double that. Are you crazy? It's taken me so much to realize these things occurring around our world today-- and right now with Egypt-- have made things a tad tense.

Matthew 28:10
says, "Save your fears for God, who holds your entire life-- body and soul-- in His hands. His hands that save the world are holding me, holding me. Hebrews 13:6 says, "God is there, ready to help. I'm fearless no matter what. Who or what can get to me?" This is the mindset I know I should have! Viewing my loving, beautiful Savior as perfectly capable of protecting me and delivering me from my fears. I have this opportunity to travel to the place where my Savior was born. I am going to walk where Jesus walked. How AMAZING and out of this world awesome is that?! Give me Jesus!

Thursday, February 3, 2011

In Dark Wood? Look Up!

The dark woods differ for each of us, but the need for faith is the same. Amy Carmichael writes, "Look up to the light that pours into the wood from high above the trees. The long, pure rays of that conquering light are interwoven with the tall stems of the trees, even as threads bright and dark are interwoven in the web of our lives." When we are in the dark, we may forget the bright threads that give us hope. Despite afflictions, continue to PRAY and LOVE.

Psalm 18:28 says, "The LORD, my God, lights up my darkness." How thankful I am for this! He is our portion, the One true love.

This video by The Afters is amazing. The lyrics really speak to me!

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Temptation

Pray anyway. When you're tempted, pray. "Never wait to pray," says Martin Luther. We're lucky, blessed, and privileged that we do not have to live in bondage to sin and temptation.

We are able to control what the mind thinks. The battlefield exists in our minds, and we have a choice to who and what we submit to. Christ "intercedes for you. He pleads for you, saying, 'Father, for this person I have suffered. I am looking after this person.'" And instantly we are blessed. We are victorious in the LORD. What a PROMISE, a beautiful promise! 1 John 2:1 says, "I am writing to you so that you will not sin. But if anyone does sin, we have an advocate who pleads our case before the Father. He is Jesus Christ, the one who is truly righteous."

Monday, January 31, 2011

The Authentic Christian Mark

"The distinguishing mark of a Christian comes from Jesus' own command found in John 13:35. 'I am giving you a new commandment: Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other. Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are My disciples.' So why is love the ultimate identifying mark?"

We know this is very difficult, because we face it a million times a day. We see people doing bad things. WE are doing bad things, sinning against our Lord who so graciously saved us. We don't get along with certain people. Why should we "try to be the bigger person" when he's not trying? These are all excuses we use, that I use, that the world is guilty of. We live in a place where passivity is okay. We sit around and wait for others to make the first move, and then we justify it later, even though God's not justifying it. When did anything ever get accomplished in this world by us sitting around?! "Research has shown that most young people view Christians as judgmental and lacking in love. Whatever the truth of their perceptions, we know what our matching orders are. Jesus commanded, 'Love each other as I have loved you.'"

I know that we are guilty of this. People have been hurt by the church. People have been hurt by each other. If you go up to someone and say, "Can I have a few minutes to share my testimony of Christ's love with you?" they may give you a minute, but they may not. There are always two sides on a coin. In a day surrounded by 1,440 minutes, we cannot give one another a single of them? How tragic? We've seen firsthand here what Jesus can do in people's lives. He has saved us! Whether we were considering "this or that" or "not to do this or that"; we were ALL hanging off the edge of that cliff called death. We were hanging from the edge by a fingernail, and God. saved. each. and. every. one. of. us. We are to love; love yourself, love one another.

You've heard it said that you can't open yourself up to love until you love yourself. I'm certainly not the poster girl for "Love Yourself," since I have not loved myself a majority of my own life. I can struggle each minute of every day with hatred-- hating what God gave me and wishing I were someone else or looked like someone else or was as thin as this woman.............but then I'm not able to love someone else. Every day that I wake up, look in the mirror, and hate what I see, I lose someone who could receive God's love. This is now the perspective I have to see life from. I have to pray for this each day, or it can seem impossible to see it through. I've seen and written about so many issues concerning loneliness, love of self, and confidence lately. I am going to be teaching a women's course on it! But thankfully I don't have to be an expert in it.

I am BLESSED that the Lord is giving me-- someone so broken and lost for wisdom-- the chance to provide wisdom from what I have experienced. It's not glamorous, but who among us has lived so glamorously in the manner I'm talking about? I always tell myself, "Stop caring about the world that way. Stop seeing yourself the way the world sees you-- not good enough, not pretty enough, not thin enough, not working hard enough because you've only put in 52 hours this week instead of 70. The list goes on and on and on. And on. But I cannot let it control who I am in Christ. I haven't pushed through that swamp of muck just to push through another one. I have pushed through it to stand where I am now; to help others get from point A to point B. This is my own mark.

Catch-Up

January 27th: Who's in Charge?

"Does it take being flat on our backs for us to realize that we're not in charge? What might it take for us to genuinely believe that prayer is the essential work and that when we prioritize it, we're drawn into God's perspectives and presence?" The pace of life can squeeze out prayer; yet ironically, it is prayer that enables us to cope with life. "Prayer is a discipline before it is a joy, and it remains a discipline even after it becomes a joy," writes Ben Patterson.

January 28th: What Love Does

The response to Jesus' love becomes our strength. "Knowing that God loves us personally gives us a sense of identity and security so we can approach life with purpose and drive...Obedience without love is a miserable affair. Obedience with love is faith dancing." Romans 5:5 says, "We know how dearly God loves us because He has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with His love." What a wonderful image, as the Bible is. We KNOW how dearly our Lord loves us.

January 29th: Healing in Chicago

"None are exempt from broken hearts," writes D. L. Moody, and how true he is. "Moody then referred to Jesus' reading Isaiah in Luke 4:18: 'The Spirit of the LORD is upon Me, because He has anointed Me to preach the Gospel to the poor; to heal the brokenhearted; preach deliverance to the captives; and recover sight to the blind; to set liberty to them that are bruised.'" Jesus is always listening to us, no matter what our needs are. Psalm 119:27-28 says, "Help me understand the meaning of Your commandments; and I will meditate on Your wonderful deeds. I weep with sorrow; encourage me by Your word."

January 30th: Don't Forget the Devil

"Calvin Miller warns us that the devil is the lord of 'feel-good,' and he will teach us the fun of license rather than the power of self-denial." He says Satan relabels sinful acts as gray and then makes us think about whether we've truly sinned or just made a little mistake. "In our media-saturated world, we hear articulated back and forth everyone's opinion about every moral dilemma and enticement. As we sample the smorgasbord of compelling images and impassioned arguments, the devil whispers that it's all a muddle. 'Don't try to figure it out-- just do what FEELS good.' WRONG. Miller offers "counsel that he says he learned in the shadows...Enjoy Christ. Bask in His love. Count His presence in your life the chief of all joys, but never forget the opposite force at work. The devil will circle you with gloom to obscure those moral values you learned from Christ." So what do we do then, when we know this is true? "When we do sin, we must NOT believe Satan's lie that we are always doomed to failure. We must repent and seek God's cleansing. To gain victory in the battle with Satan, we must first be indwelt by the fullness of Christ in the person of His Spirit. We must clothe ourselves with His strength and not our own. Matthew 4:10 says, "Get out here Satan," Jesus told him. "For the Scriptures say, 'You must worship the LORD your God and serve ONLY Him."

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Way Behind!

I apologize for being so behind! I've been working a lot, and it just consumes my time! But it's a good consuming of my time. God's doing some amazing, and I mean amazing, things!

January 17th talked about finding joy in the LORD in every day things. He said that we are to practice God's presence no matter what the circumstances. The given verse is Colossians 3:22, which says, "Work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were working for the LORD rather than for people."

January 18th talked about the way the Holy Spirit works. It just tends to catch us sometimes, sending us into this glorious frenzy. In John 3:8, Jesus says, "The wind blows wherever it wants...You can hear the wind but cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going."

January 19th talks about God creating us as His masterpieces. "We are pregnant with possibilities of spiritual growth and moral beauty." Hmm, interesting way of putting things! "We are called by God to live as our uniquely created selves." The alternative is to become lesss and less like the original-- or opposite of what God intended us, which would be a tragedy. Ephesians 4:15 says, "We speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ."

January 20th talks about the yearning for God in the soul, especially for those who don't have Jesus. It was Jesus Himself who taught us to pray the LORD'S Prayer, and He promises to always be with us, even in dark times that our world faces. "Part of the good news of the Gospel is that there is a Father to whom we can tell out doubts, even our doubts about whether there is a Father."

January 21st asks, Why pray? Sometimes, God's seeming silence and inaction despite the world's endless atrocities, feeds doubts further. Why would God allow bad things to happen and not change anything? So why pray? Because Jesus did. The communication between Jesus and His heavenly Father was constant. It was the source of His orders and His powerful sense of identity. We're invited to have that SAME sort of communication. While on Earth, Jesus became vulnerable, as we are vulnerable; rejected, as we are rejected; and tested, as we are tested. In every case, His response was prayer.

January 22nd says, "To pray is to let Jesus come into our hearts. It is not our prayer which moves the Lord Jesus. It is Jesus who moves us to pray. He knocks. He knocks in order to move us by prayer to open the door and accept the gift He had already appointed for us." Jesus says that if anyone opens the door, He will come in. He loves us, bringing meaning and grace into our lives. Isaiah 65:24 says, "I will answer them from before they even call to Me. While they are still talking about their needs, I will go ahead and answer their prayers."

January 23rd talks about a philosophy of Billy Graham's. "Sometimes life touches one person with a bouquet and another with a thorn bush. But the first may find a wasp in the flowers, and the second may discover roses among the thorns." Bouquets, wasps, roses, thorns--they come to all of us in strange sequences and indecipherable patterns. No one gets all flowers without any wasps, though we all hope for that. The human condition is such that sorrow and grief come to every home and every person. The worst can happen, but the best remains!

January 24th. Mother Teresa said, "All of us, you and I, should use what God has given us, that for which God created us. For God has created us for great things: to love and to give love." What makes things great? Mother Teresa says, "It is how much love we put in the doing that makes our offering something beautiful for God." Billy Graham says of her, "She looks past the physical features of every man, women, or child and sees the face of Jesus staring up at her through them. In every starving child she feds, she sees Jesus. Surrounding every lonely, dying man she cradles in her arms in Jesus. When she ministers to anyone, she is ministering to her Savior and Lord." Most of us will never pick up dying men or starving children from the streets, yet we must deal with the "irritable, the exacting, and the unreasonable" in our own lives. She demonstrated that it's a unique privilege to get beyond our frustrations and to share the joy and love of Jesus. "Love is a fruit, in season at all times and within the reach of every hand. Anyone may gather it, and no limit is set."

January 25th. "We are cruel to ourselves if we try to live in this world without knowing about the God whose world it is. The world becomes a strange, mad, painful place for those who do not know about God," says J. I. Packer. As we study the Scriptures and learn more and more about God's holiness and love, the more we will see from His perspective all that assaults us, all that weighs us down, all that tears apart our lives. Deuteronomy 33:26-27 says, "There is no one like the God of Israel. He rides across the heavens to help you, across the skies in majestic splendor. The eternal God is your refuge, and His everlasting arms are under you."

January 26th. C. S. Lewis says the ultimate sin is pride. "It is a terrible thing that the worst of all the vices can smuggle itself into the very center of our religious life." Lewis says that other vices, such as anger, greed, and drunkenness, are "mere fleabites in comparison" an come from our physical nature, but pride "comes directly from hell." The pride that Satan tries to smuggle into us provides not delight but a rebel spirit. Therefore, Zephaniah 2:3 says, "Seek the LORD, all who are humble, and follow His commands."

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Hope in Deep Trouble.

Hope in deep trouble. This is just what I was thinking about tonight, before I opened up my devotional. My day was pretty great, until I got home tonight. I won't go into details; needless to say that this little riff in the fur has turned my entire day upside down. But anyways, back to that daily devotional, which I clearly need. I won't go into details, but all I know is that I need Jesus, and He is well and able to provide what I need.

"Medical diagnoses. Accidents. Profound losses of all sorts. Everyone experiences disasters in this life-- or we fear disasters that may come. How can we not feel troubled? Here is what Jesus said to His dazed disciples when He was soon to leave them: 'Don't let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, and trust also in Me. There is more than enough room in My Father's home. If this were not so, would I have told you that I am going to prepare a place for you?'

Although, like the disciples, we may face grim circumstances and disappointments, our ultimate hope is for the life to come. We are given many promises of God's faithfulness to us in life, including Jesus' promise that the Holy Spirit would be our comforter and lead us into truth. Yet our ultimate hope is in what is prepared for us beyond this world. Even though Jesus has gone back to the Father, He has not forgotten about us."

John 14:27 says, "I am leaving you with a gift-- peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is the gift the world cannot give, so don't be troubled or afraid."

Saturday, January 15, 2011

That's Unfair!

January 15th.

"Thomas À Kempis wrote: 'It's good that, at times, we have sorrows and adversities. It's good that we sometimes endure opposition and are evilly and wrongly judged even though our actions may be good; for then we seek God's witness in the heart.' Sorrow and adversity are good for us? The idea feels both jarring and crazy. It's GOOD to be UNFAIRLY judged? Unfair criticisms and attacks make us angry and determined to set the matter straight. As Christians, we are called not to GET justice, but to GIVE justice. Righteous indignation has its place as we try to view the world's injustice through our heavenly Father's eyes. Jesus certainly didn't get justice. Yet in His Father's plans, out of that injustice came the wonder of the world's redemption.

Are You Brokenhearted?

January 14th.

Psalm 34:18 says, "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." This is so true.

But "why does God love us so much when we're brokenhearted? Only when we're shaken to the core do we give up our own plans. Jesus calls us to abandon our agendas so that the abundant life He offers has room to take root and grow. This is not an extreme brand of discipleship only for go-getters. This is the call for everyone."

Thursday, January 13, 2011

In Trouble? To the Roofs!

"Alan Paton said that when he faced an insurmountable problem, he always thought of German aircraft dropping tons of high-explosive and incendiary bombs on London in 1940. 'While Londoners sheltered in basements, strategic and historic buildings burned above their heads. If this kept going on, nothing would be left of London.' Paton remembered Winston Churchill's proclamation: 'To the basements' must be replaced by, 'To the roofs!' Sometimes, we may feel hunkered down in the basement of our lives with all sorts of incendiaries exploding above us. We want protection from the fires and the explosions of our troubles. Yet, staying hunkered down may not be nearly as safe as scurrying up the stairs and onto the roof to fight the flames."

I remember when I was in fifth grade or so, and I attended day camp at the YMCA near my home. We were required to do a ropes course. I'd never been exposed to height in a natural setting-- that is, outdoors. Above the ground. Above everything. Heights do not scare me; yet as soon as I was standing on top of the highest wooden post and being called to step across these wooden steps with space in between, I couldn't move forward. I had to pep talk myself and say, "Come on, just go. You can't stand here and burn-- just take the first step, and keep walking." It feels so good to take the first step, since you know the Lord is calling you to more. This is a silly childhood analogy, but I feel that it applies in the same way.

"Paton prayed, 'Lord, save us from a retreat into hatred or despair. Call us out of the shelters and send us up to the roofs, even if day and night we are under fire. May we remain calm in the midst of violence and panic, and may reason and love and mercy and understanding rule our lives.'" Wow. If only we could pray like that!

Our Active Comforter

January 12, 2011

"Charles Haddon Spurgeon identifies the Holy Spirit as our Teacher, who makes dark things light and unravels mysteries-- in contrast to Satan the deceiver, who runs the poisonous devil's college that leads to everlasting ruin. Spurgeon also identifies the Spirit as our Advocate, who makes intercession for us. Then he explores at length the Spirit' role as Comforter, describing him in the following terms:

A loving Comforter.
A faithful Comforter.
An unwearied Comforter.
A wise Comforter.
A safe Comforter.

Sometimes our life experiences can be crushing or bewildering. Sometimes they're exhilarating and full of triumph. Whatever we experience, the Holy Spirit cares. He is ready to challenge, cleanse, celebrate, instruct, and comfort us. We need only to run to Him in prayer."

Romans 8:5 says, "Those who are dominated by the sinful nature think about sinful things, but those who are controlled by the Holy Spirit think about things that please the Spirit."

Psalm 9:9 says, "God's a safe-house for the battered, a sanctuary during bad times."

2 Corinthians 4:16 says, "Even though on the outside it often looks like things are falling apart on us, on the inside, where God is making new life, not a day goes by without His unfolding grace."

Monday, January 10, 2011

Out of Despair

January 11, 2011

ONE. ELEVEN. TWO-THOUSAND-ELEVEN! Hooray. Make a wish.

Anyways, back to topic. Concentrate.

"We may not be physically paralyzed, but sometimes we may just feel as constrained by our troubles and plunged into despair. Or we may face drudgery and hopeless tedium, with no sense of purpose. In some difficulties, we may not eel as if we can pray at all. Yet whatever our feelings, if we reach out to God with a simple prayer, we will start to see His strength and presence" (Myra, 2010).

I remember when this was me. Last September, a devastating depression hit me. It took away everything: who I was, what and who made me who I was. I stopped praying. I stopped being involved with my campus ministry. I stopped seeing people. There wasn't anyone I wanted to see or talk to. I was alone. I pushed people away. I spent so much time just lying in bed, staring at a plain white wall, or staring at my ceiling. Sometimes I'd lay on my side and stare at where the carpet meets the first piece of wall. That was my life. I let studying go, I let myself go. I lost so much weight, and all I wanted to do was crawl into a hole-- a black hole, mind you-- and disappear forever. I'd thought about it. I was on my knees, writing out these insanely long 20-page prayers about how much despair I was in, and would God just please, please, please take it away? I didn't know what to do. I would sit outside on cement in jeans. Barefoot. For there hours, just staring. I was out of my mind. I stopped reading my Bible, but all the verses that I did manage to get to were about crying out to the LORD, and why doesn't He hear me?

Psalm 34:17 was one of my favorite verses that I found during that time. It says, "Is anyone crying for help? God is listening, ready to rescue you. If your heart is broken, you'll find God right there; if you're kicked in the gut, He'll help you catch your breath." Um, PHENOMENAL. Just what I needed to hear. And that was at a time when I didn't want to hear anything. I ditched out on school, literally woke up in the morning, got dressed, and went back to bed. Then I'd wake up at night, shower, and go back to bed. It was awful. I never want to be back in a place so dark, so scary, where I was fearing for my own life. I felt that the Lord was there, I just didn't have a clue on how to reach Him. I know He heard me and was reaching out but I was selfish and needed to be alone.

Anyways, my hope for all of you is that you find the hope in Christ that you DESERVE. He loves you. He has always been there for you. His love, His gift, His Son, are all sitting on that table. You just have to unwrap it to know what's inside.

Tourist or Pilgrim?

January 10, 2011

Eugene Peterson has summed up that humans are like tourists-- we only want to experience the good, or high, points in life, and then when things are low and down, we'd really just like to leave. I think this is true. But it doesn't have to stay that way, thanks to Jesus. One of the most difficult (I think) aspects of following Christ is knowing that He died for US; He gave up everything, His life, for US, and we are but feebly humans who struggle through what we feel is the end of the world everyday. We must learn to lean upon the Lord, giving Him not only those highs and thanking Him for them; but thanking Him for the times when things aren't so great. This is the only way we will truly grow.

Proverbs 3:5-6 says, "Trust God from the bottom of your heart. Don't try to figure out everything on your own. Listen for God's voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; He's the One who will keep you on track."

Seasons to Catch Your Breath

January 9, 2011

Francois Fenelon said, "Let the ups and downs of your spiritual life come and go. If you were always down, you would become hardened and discouraged. God gives you seasons when you can catch your breath." Essentially, WE ALL GET BURNED OUT! We're all in God's mission field, and there are times when we face spiritual warfare, no doubt. We face little, everyday little crises that still have the ability to throw us off completely. We must understand that we're strong, even in weakness. Jesus proved that. He tells us that. We will have our time of rest, and then He will give us strength to get back to where we were. That is a promise.

Psalm 100:1-2 says, "On your feet now-- applaud God! Bring a gift of laughter, sing yourselves into His presence.

Saturday, January 8, 2011

No Ugly Sisters

"Family relationships and countless experiences shape us and form what we think of ourselves. Our natural self-absorption limits our capacity to transcend our actual and perceived limitations. Centering our thoughts on God has the remarkable effect of lifting them from ourselves. When we consider His wonderful works, His majesty, and His love for us and recognize the purpose and meaning He has built into our lives, we can become compassionate toward the concern of others. We can lend a helping hand, oblivious for the moment to what others might think. Jill Briscoe says of her own self-image that she had to learn that God is purposeful and has His own reasons for making us as we are. 'It's hard to understand that God likes me when I don't like myself,' she says. She eventually came to realize that 'there are no ugly sisters in God's sight.'

Friday, January 7, 2011

A Flash of Lightning

January 7th.

TODAY. Crazy day, but the LORD has me in His hands! Praise!

"Henri Nouwen confessed that when he met with Mother Teresa of Calcutta, he started explaining all his problems as soon as they sat down. For ten minutes, he tried to convince her how complicated they were. When he was finally quiet, Mother Teresa said, 'Well, when you spend one hour a day adoring your Lord and never do anything you know is wrong...you will be fine.' Henri knew she had given him an answer 'from aboe-- from God's place and not the place of my complaints. Mother Teresa's answer was like a flash of lightning in my darkness.' Our setbacks, struggles, doubts, and insecurities can enmesh us in several complications. We want solutions. We want practical answers. A simple answer 'from above' often strikes us as irrelevant to the problem, as it did at first to Henri Nouwen. He advises, 'Your life, my life, is given graciously by God. Our lives are not problems to be solved but journeys to be taken with Jesus as our friend and finest guide.'"

1 Peter 5:7 (ONE OF MY FAVORITES!) says, "Humble yourselves under the MIGHTY power of God, and at the right time He will lift you up in honor. Give ALL your worries and cares to God, for He cares about you." How amazing that we-- as people, so weak and ungrateful-- are still loved and given everything by our precious LORD and Savior!

Bearing Others' Defects

January 6th.

"John Wesley writes, 'God is the first object of our love: Its next office is to bear the defects of others. And we should begin the practice of this amidst our own household.' We're all human, with human defects, and sin keeps squirming like the proverbial worm in the apple. Wesley's challenge to live a holy life and to love other people had remarkable effects. Through his small groups, which he called bands, he witnessed countless transformations (AWESOME!)." He stated that "All that a Christian does, even in eating and sleeping, is prayer. Prayer continues in the desire of the heart, though the mind is on other things. In souls filled with love, the desire to please God is a continual prayer."

Read 1 Corinthians 13:4 (the famous lovey-dovey verse) on God's perfect love!!!!!

Embracing Adventure

"Does God call us to adventure? If so, adventure by its nature requires dangerous risk. In tumultuous times, how can we confront our fears? Over and over in the Bible when an angel appears, his first words are, 'Fear not.' The angels bring news of what God is up to. 'Perfect love casts out fear.'

Life as adventure? It's a matter of faith. The truth is, we're all plopped down in circumstances that can threaten, dishearten, or even overwhelm us. Yet most of us also have many good things happening around us. Only as we see life as an adventure from God do we experience life's tang and purpose.

Psalm 37:23 says, 'The LORD directs the steps of the godly. He delights in every detail of their lives. Through the stumble, they will never fall, for the LORD holds them by the hand.'"

Crazy Week!

Can I just say this has been one of the worst best weeks ever? Man, it's so awesome to see firsthand the work that God is doing in these young people's lives! I can already tell that the staff at Minnesota Teen Challenge is amazing. They have amazing testimonies and I'm so glad to be a part of the miracles and transformations from God. My first day was Tuesday, and it was pretty hectic. I got a nice run-down and tour of the main facility, and worked with the administrative assistant on some of the duties of Teen Challenge. The first week was rough, very busy, but also rewarding. I had the privilege of hearing my supervisor's testimony yesterday, and was able to sit in on two small women's courses that focused on "God's Design versus Satan's Deception." The course outlined the importance of understanding your core beliefs; knowing who God is; and what He is constantly doing in your life. He made two lists, one titled God's Design. It placed God at the top, followed by the Holy Spirit which has been provided to us, followed by our own spirits, followed by our minds, followed by our bodies, and ending with Satan. The second list (Satan's Deception) was identified by the same seven list items, but they were completely backwards. Instead, we see how Satan ruled the world, which causes our minds to rule our bodies, etc. God is at the bottom. We see that our thoughts, feelings, and actions are all influenced by what we BELIEVE; and this is the main indicator of success at a Christian organization like Teen Challenge. The staff strives to make the Gospel and Scripture the CORE of what students learn during their year in the facility. It's so great to see how much Biblical knowledge the students learn in a short period of time; and God-willing, to hear their testimonies. I love hearing the women give their input and actually participate in class discussions, and I myself have learned so much after only one week. I was put in charge of writing and teaching a brand new curriculum for an elective course on Nutrition, Fitness, and Spiritual Health. My first class is in six weeks. I'm EXTREMELY nervous and am kind of wading through the process (given I'm not anything close to an Education major), but hopefully things will go well. I know God has placed me with this organization for a reason, and I'm very excited about where He is leading me. Just an update! :)

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

He Hears the Piccolo Player

"John Henry Jowett says that when we think of ourselves as insignificant in a huge world- as just one among billions, with our contributions little appreciated- we should recognize that the eyes of God are on us. He recognizes all we do and all we intend... Our LORD is aware of and sees each contribution we make. Those around us may or may not appreciate us, but they need not be our reference point. One bliever, discouraged by a lack of recognition for his constant hard work and pure intentions, wrote these words in large, bold letters on a card: 'FOR HIS EYES ONLY.' He carried the card in his pocket, where it would show up when he reached for his pen. He would then pull it out, look at the proclamation, and smile. His efforts were seen by the One who would not only judge but encourage and bless, the One who ultimately mattered. Jowett says the LORD uses 'the note of my life to make the music of His Kingdom, and if the note be absent He will miss it, and the glorious music will be broken and incomplete.'"

1 Peter 4:10 says, "God has given EACH of you a gift from His great variety of spiritual gifts. Use them well to serve one another."

This is today's devotion! On the first day of my internship! How amazing! It was overwhelming, yes, and I feel like my brain is struggling to keep up; but God definitely placed me here for a reason. I can see so many phenomenal things that are going to happen, new experiences I am going to have. The trouble is that, lately, I haven't felt much of a "Kingdom worker" for the LORD. I should be thinking of Him whenEVER I do something; and not whether it's in His name or not, because everything SHOULD be in His name. That is where I have failed. Hopefully being in this new place will help me to sort out areas of my life in which God can help me improve. Praise!

Monday, January 3, 2011

Uncommon Woman

Uncommon Woman: Chapter 2

- I am called, anointed, and appointed for freedom.
- The more we understand who and whose we are, the more we'll truly believe that God will restore every lost thing. We'll comprehend which battles are ours for the taking and when it's good just to hide in the shadow of His wing.
- God brings NO woman into the conflicts of life to desert her. Every woman has a friend in heaven whose resources are unlimited; and on Him she may call at any hour and find sympathy and assistance.
- Proverbs 15:24 says, "The path of life leads upward for the wise; they leave the grave behind."

Rags and Blossoms

Rags and Blossoms

A prayer by Stephen Phillips: "Aid me, when I cease to soar, to stand; make me Your athlete, even in my bed."

"Praise the LORD! Sing to the LORD a new song. Let the faithful rejoice that He honors them. Let them sing for joy as they lie on their beds." -Psalm 149:1

Why Cringe? Be Encouraged.

Why Cringe? Be Encouraged.

"Martin Luther says, 'We can be sure of this: a sorrowful, timid, and frightened heart doesn't come from Christ. He came to this earth, fulfilled His mission, and ascended into heaven to take away sorrow and fearfulness from our hearts; and replace them with cheerful hearts, consciences, and minds. That's why He promises to send the Holy Spirit.' Sometimes we can feel ruined- when it seems the LORD is absent and the devil is near us instead. But Luther tells us that Jesus' promise of the Holy Spirit is real, even when we don't feel His presence. We're urged to pray, whether we feel spiritually comforted or not, for the Holy Spirit is at work. Luther says, 'We think small, but the LORD is great and powerful.'"

365 Days of Encouragement

December 29th: Despite the Soot
"D. L. Moody believed that if people could only understand that God is love, they would be irresistibly drawn to Him. Yet he sensed that most people saw God as an angry judge or too distant to care about them...Despite all our sins and failures, God still loves us. Like the father in Jesus' parable of the Prodigal Son, God waits with open arms, whether we've been scrubbed clean or come fresh from the pigsty."

Jeremiah 31:3 says, "I have loved thee with an everlasting love; therefore, with loving kindness I have drawn thee."

Ephesians 3:18-19 says, "May you have the power to understand, as all God's people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep His love is. May you experience the LOVE of Christ."

December 30th: The Devil's Termites
"Calvin Miller says, 'Never forget that, just as God is the Creator who wants to make your life and testimony beautiful, Satan is the destroyer. He is out to smash every beautiful thing God created you to be and achieve.' How does he subtly attempt to ruin us 'He is not a wrecker-ball destroyer,' writes Miller. 'He is the Lord of the termites.' He then gives us a graphic picture of the devil's termites producing unseen decay that 'makes Pharisees seem alive when they are only hollow dead.' The devil won't come around with a contract for our souls the way he does in literature or the movies. He'll keep day by day lying about God and why we don't need to obey Him. He'll lure us with promises about where the real action and satisfaction is. James 4:7 has it right in saying, 'Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.'"

December 31st: The Shroud Flung Away
Isaiah foresees a magnificent event still to come. What he foresees will be far more than merely a feast that surpases a Sunday brunch. Isaiah says that God will do what we all long for: remove the shroud of death that hangs over the earth. 'He will swallow up death forever!' Isaiah declares. 'The sovereign LORD will wipe away all tears.' Isaiah 26:19 reads, 'Those who die in the LORD will live; their bodies will rise again! Those who sleep in the earth will rise up and sing for joy! For your life-giving light will fall like dew on your people in the place of the dead!'

January 1st: The Way to Freedom
"'Obey the call of Jesus,' Oswald Chambers urges. 'Keep yourself before God for this one thing only- my utmost for His highest.' Chambers's determination resonates throughout his devotional, so it's no wonder countless Christians have read and reread his challenges and have been drawn into deeper commitment. 'We have to decide. Surrender your will to Him absolutely and irrevocably.' That was his challenge, and today we're faced with that opportunity. As you begin the New Year, are YOU determined to hear the whispers and guidance of the Holy Spirit, who can equip you to experience God's highest? Here is Chambers's counsel: 'Keep your life so constant in its contact with God that His surprising power may break out on the right hand and on the left. Live in a constant state of expectancy.'"