Wednesday, March 31, 2010
The Last Song
Sweet niblets. Well, The Last Song filled my crying quota for years to come. WOW. I really don't even know what to say! I give it a double thumbs-up.
Monday, March 29, 2010
Poetry
For the love of poetry! I used to write, but I can't remember where all my personal poems disappeared to.
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
- Robert Frost (The Road Not Taken)
Spirit that form'd this scene,
These tumbled rock-piles grim and red,
These reckless heaven-ambitious peaks,
These gorges, turbulent- clear streams, this naked freshness,
These formless wild arrays, for reasons of their own,
I know thee, savage spirit-- we have communed together,
Mine too such wild arrays, for reasons of their own;
Was't charged against my chants they had forgotten art?
To fuse within themselves its rules precise and delicatesse?
The lyrist's measur'd beat, the wrought-out temple's
Grace-- column and polish'd arch forgot?
But thou that revelest here-- spirit that form'd this scene,
They have remember'd thee.
- Walt Whitman (Spirit That Form'd This Scene)
This is thy hour O Soul, thy free flight into the wordless,
Away from books, away from art, the day erased, the lesson done,
Thee fully forth emerging, silent, gazing, pondering themes thou lovest best,
Night, sleep, death and the stars.
- Walt Whitman (A Clear Midnight)
Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul
And sings the tune without the words
And never stops- at all-
And sweetest- in the Gale, it is heard
And sore must be the storm
That could abash the little bird
That kept so many warm-
I've heard it in the chillest land
And on the strangest sea-
Yet never in extremity
It asked a crumb of me.
- Emily Dickinson (Hope)
I thank You God for this most amazing
Day; for the leaping greenly spirits of trees
And a blue true dream of sky; and for everything
Which is natural, which is infinite, which is yes
I who have died am alive again today,
And this is the sun's birthday; this is the birth
Day of life and love and wings; and of the gay
Great happening illimitably Earth
How should tasting, touching, hearing, seeing,
Breathing, any-lifted from the no
Of all nothing- human merely being
Doubt unimaginable You?
Now the ears of my ears awake and
Now the eyes of my eyes are opened.
- E. E. Cummings (I Thank You God)
How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of being and ideal grace.
I love thee to the level of everyday's
Most quiet need, by sun and candlelight.
I love thee freely, as men strive for right;
I love thee purely, as they turn from praise.
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints- I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life. And if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.
- Elizabeth Barrett Browning (How Do I Love Thee?)
I heard a thousand blended notes,
While in a grove I sate reclined,
In that sweet mood when pleasant thoughts
Bring sad thoughts to the mind.
To her fair works did Nature link
The human soul that through me ran;
And much it grieved my heart to think
What man has made of man.
Through primrose tufts, in that green bower,
The periwinkle trailed its wreaths;
And 'tis my faith that every flower
Enjoys the air it breathes.
The birds around me hopped and played,
Their thoughts I cannot measure:--
But the least motion which they made
It seemed a thrill of pleasure.
The budding twigs spread out their fan,
To catch the breezy air;
And I must think, do all I can,
That there was pleasure there.
If this belief from heaven be sent,
If such be Nature's holy plan,
Have I not reason to lament
What man has made of man?
- William Wordsworth (Lines Written in Early Spring)
God says to me with a kind
of smile, "Hey how would you like
to be God awhile And steer the world?"
"Okay," says I, "I'll give it a try.
Where do I set?
How much do I get?
What time is lunch?
When can I quit?"
"Gimme back that wheel," says God.
"I don't think you're quite ready yet."
- Shel Silverstein (God's Wheel)
That Justice is a blind goddess
Is a thing to which we black are wise:
Her bandage hides two festering sores
That once perhaps were eyes.
- Langston Hughes (Justice)
Hold fast to dreams
For if dreams die
Life is a broken- winged bird
That cannot fly.
Hold fast to dreams
For when dreams go
Life is a barren field
Frozen with snow.
- Langston Hughes (Dreams)
We, unaccustomed to courage
exiles from delight
live coiled in shells of loneliness
until love leaves its high holy temple
and comes into our sight
to liberate us into life.
Love arrives
and in its train come ecstasies
old memories of pleasure
ancient histories of pain.
Yet if we are bold,
love strikes away the chains of fear
from our souls.
We are weaned from our timidity
In the flush of love's light
we dare be brave
And suddenly we see
that love costs all we are
and will ever be.
Yet it is only love
which sets us free.
- Maya Angelou (Touched by an Angel)
They that have power to hurt and will do none
That do not do the thing they most do show,
Who, moving others, are themselves as stone,
Unmoved, cold, and to temptation slow;
They rightly do inherit heaven's graces
And husband nature's riches from expense;
They are the lords and owners of their faces,
Others but stewards of their excellence.
The summer's flower is to the summer sweet,
Though to itself it only lives and dies,
But if that flower with base infection meet,
The basest weed outbraves his dignity;
For sweetest things turn sourest by their deeds;
Lilies that fester smell far worse than weeds.
- Shakespeare (Sonnet 94)
Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?
Thou art more lovely and more temperate.
Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May,
And summer's lease hath all too short a date.
Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines,
And often is his gold complexion dimmed;
And every fair from fair someone declines,
By chance, or nature's changing course untrimmed;
But thy eternal summer shall not face,
Nor lose possession of that fair thou ow'st.
Nor shall death brag thou wand'rest in his shade,
When in eternal lines to Time thou grow'st.
So long as men can breathe, or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this lives life to thee.
- Shakespeare (Sonnet 18)
Some say that ever 'gainst that season comes
Wherein our Saviour's birth is celebrated,
This bird of dawning singeth all night long;
And then, they say, no spirit dare stir abroad.
The nights are wholesome, then no planets strike,
No fairy takes, nor witch hath power to charm,
So hallow'd and so gracious is the time.
- Shakespeare, Hamlet, Act I: Scene I
Four seasons fill the measure of the year;
There are four seasons in the mind of man:
He has his lusty spring, when fancy clear
Takes in all beauty with an easy span:
He has his summer, when luxuriously
Spring's honeyed cud of youthful thought he loves
To ruminate, and by such dreaming high
Is nearest unto heaven: quiet coves.
His soul has its autumn, when his wings
He furleth close; contended so to look
On mists in idleness- to let fair things
Pass by unheeded as a threshold brook-
He has his winter too of pale misfeature,
Or else he would forego his mortal nature.
- John Keats (The Human Seasons)
When I have fears that I may cease to be
Before my pen has glean'd my teeming brain,
Before high piled books, in charact'ry.
Hold like rich garners the full-ripen'd grain;
When I behold, upon the night's starr'd face,
Huge cloudy symbols of a high romance,
And think that I may never live to trace
Their shadows, with the magic hand of chance;
And when I feel, fair creature of an hour!
That I shall never look upon thee more,
Never have relish in the faery power
Of unreflecting love- then on the shore
Of the wide world I stand alone, and think
Til love and fame to nothingness do sink.
- John Keats (When I Have Fears)
This living hand, now warm and capable
Of earnest grasping, would, if it were cold
And in the icy silence of the tomb,
So haunt thy days and chill thy dreaming nights
That thou wouldst wish thine own heart dry of blood
So in my veins red life might stream again,
And thou be conscience- calmed- see, here it is-
I hold it towards you.
- John Keats (This Living Hand)
Let the light of late afternoon
shine through the chinks in the barn, moving
up the bales as the sun moves down.
Let the crickets take up chafing
as a woman takes up her needles
and her yarn. Let evening come.
Let dew collect on the hoe abandoned
in long grass. Let the stars appear
and the moon disclosed her silver horn.
Let the fox go back to its sandy den.
Let the wind die down. Let the shed
go black inside. Let evening come.
To the bottle in the ditch, to the scoop
in the oats, to air in the lung
let evening come.
Let it come as it will, and don't
be afraid. God does not leave us
comfortless, so let evening come.
- Jane Kenyon (Let Evening Come)
Art thou pale for weariness
Of climbing heaven, and gazing on the earth,
Wandering companionless
Among the stars that have a different birth,
And ever changing, like a joyless eyes
That finds no object worth its constancy?
- Percy Bysshe Shelley (To the Moon)
And on that cheek, and o'er that brow,
So soft, so calm, yet eloquent,
The smiles that win, the tints that flow,
But tell of days in goodness spent,
A mind at peace with all below,
A heart whose love is innocent.
- George Gordon Byron (She Walks in Beauty)
In summer I am very glad
We children are so small.
For we can see a thousand things
That men can't see at all.
They don't know much about the moss
And all the stones they pass;
They never lie and play among
The forests in the grass.
They walk about a long way off,
And when we're at the sea,
Let father stoop as best he can
He can't find things like me.
But when the snow is on the ground
And all the puddles freeze,
I wish that I were very tall,
High up above the trees.
- Laurence Alma- Tadema (Playgrounds)
Little lamb, who made thee?
Dost thou know who made thee,
Gave thee life, and bid thee feed
By the stream and o'er the mead;
Gave thee clothing of delight,
Gave thee such a tender voice,
Making all the vales rejoice?
Little lamb, who made thee?
Dost thou know who made thee?
Little lamb, I'll tell thee;
Little lamb, I'll tell thee;
He is called by thy name,
For he too calls Himself a Lamb.
He is meek, He is mild,
He became a little child.
I a child, and thou a lamb,
We are called by His name.
Little lamb, God bless thee.
Little lamb, God bless thee.
- William Blake (The Lamb)
Even this late it happens;
The coming of love, the coming of light.
You wake and the candles are lit as if by themselves.
Stars gather and dreams pour into your pillows,
Sending up warm bouquets of air.
Even this late the bones of the body shine
and tomorrow's dust flares into breath.
- Mark Strand (The Coming of Light)
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
- Robert Frost (The Road Not Taken)
Spirit that form'd this scene,
These tumbled rock-piles grim and red,
These reckless heaven-ambitious peaks,
These gorges, turbulent- clear streams, this naked freshness,
These formless wild arrays, for reasons of their own,
I know thee, savage spirit-- we have communed together,
Mine too such wild arrays, for reasons of their own;
Was't charged against my chants they had forgotten art?
To fuse within themselves its rules precise and delicatesse?
The lyrist's measur'd beat, the wrought-out temple's
Grace-- column and polish'd arch forgot?
But thou that revelest here-- spirit that form'd this scene,
They have remember'd thee.
- Walt Whitman (Spirit That Form'd This Scene)
This is thy hour O Soul, thy free flight into the wordless,
Away from books, away from art, the day erased, the lesson done,
Thee fully forth emerging, silent, gazing, pondering themes thou lovest best,
Night, sleep, death and the stars.
- Walt Whitman (A Clear Midnight)
Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul
And sings the tune without the words
And never stops- at all-
And sweetest- in the Gale, it is heard
And sore must be the storm
That could abash the little bird
That kept so many warm-
I've heard it in the chillest land
And on the strangest sea-
Yet never in extremity
It asked a crumb of me.
- Emily Dickinson (Hope)
I thank You God for this most amazing
Day; for the leaping greenly spirits of trees
And a blue true dream of sky; and for everything
Which is natural, which is infinite, which is yes
I who have died am alive again today,
And this is the sun's birthday; this is the birth
Day of life and love and wings; and of the gay
Great happening illimitably Earth
How should tasting, touching, hearing, seeing,
Breathing, any-lifted from the no
Of all nothing- human merely being
Doubt unimaginable You?
Now the ears of my ears awake and
Now the eyes of my eyes are opened.
- E. E. Cummings (I Thank You God)
How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of being and ideal grace.
I love thee to the level of everyday's
Most quiet need, by sun and candlelight.
I love thee freely, as men strive for right;
I love thee purely, as they turn from praise.
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints- I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life. And if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.
- Elizabeth Barrett Browning (How Do I Love Thee?)
I heard a thousand blended notes,
While in a grove I sate reclined,
In that sweet mood when pleasant thoughts
Bring sad thoughts to the mind.
To her fair works did Nature link
The human soul that through me ran;
And much it grieved my heart to think
What man has made of man.
Through primrose tufts, in that green bower,
The periwinkle trailed its wreaths;
And 'tis my faith that every flower
Enjoys the air it breathes.
The birds around me hopped and played,
Their thoughts I cannot measure:--
But the least motion which they made
It seemed a thrill of pleasure.
The budding twigs spread out their fan,
To catch the breezy air;
And I must think, do all I can,
That there was pleasure there.
If this belief from heaven be sent,
If such be Nature's holy plan,
Have I not reason to lament
What man has made of man?
- William Wordsworth (Lines Written in Early Spring)
God says to me with a kind
of smile, "Hey how would you like
to be God awhile And steer the world?"
"Okay," says I, "I'll give it a try.
Where do I set?
How much do I get?
What time is lunch?
When can I quit?"
"Gimme back that wheel," says God.
"I don't think you're quite ready yet."
- Shel Silverstein (God's Wheel)
That Justice is a blind goddess
Is a thing to which we black are wise:
Her bandage hides two festering sores
That once perhaps were eyes.
- Langston Hughes (Justice)
Hold fast to dreams
For if dreams die
Life is a broken- winged bird
That cannot fly.
Hold fast to dreams
For when dreams go
Life is a barren field
Frozen with snow.
- Langston Hughes (Dreams)
We, unaccustomed to courage
exiles from delight
live coiled in shells of loneliness
until love leaves its high holy temple
and comes into our sight
to liberate us into life.
Love arrives
and in its train come ecstasies
old memories of pleasure
ancient histories of pain.
Yet if we are bold,
love strikes away the chains of fear
from our souls.
We are weaned from our timidity
In the flush of love's light
we dare be brave
And suddenly we see
that love costs all we are
and will ever be.
Yet it is only love
which sets us free.
- Maya Angelou (Touched by an Angel)
They that have power to hurt and will do none
That do not do the thing they most do show,
Who, moving others, are themselves as stone,
Unmoved, cold, and to temptation slow;
They rightly do inherit heaven's graces
And husband nature's riches from expense;
They are the lords and owners of their faces,
Others but stewards of their excellence.
The summer's flower is to the summer sweet,
Though to itself it only lives and dies,
But if that flower with base infection meet,
The basest weed outbraves his dignity;
For sweetest things turn sourest by their deeds;
Lilies that fester smell far worse than weeds.
- Shakespeare (Sonnet 94)
Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?
Thou art more lovely and more temperate.
Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May,
And summer's lease hath all too short a date.
Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines,
And often is his gold complexion dimmed;
And every fair from fair someone declines,
By chance, or nature's changing course untrimmed;
But thy eternal summer shall not face,
Nor lose possession of that fair thou ow'st.
Nor shall death brag thou wand'rest in his shade,
When in eternal lines to Time thou grow'st.
So long as men can breathe, or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this lives life to thee.
- Shakespeare (Sonnet 18)
Some say that ever 'gainst that season comes
Wherein our Saviour's birth is celebrated,
This bird of dawning singeth all night long;
And then, they say, no spirit dare stir abroad.
The nights are wholesome, then no planets strike,
No fairy takes, nor witch hath power to charm,
So hallow'd and so gracious is the time.
- Shakespeare, Hamlet, Act I: Scene I
Four seasons fill the measure of the year;
There are four seasons in the mind of man:
He has his lusty spring, when fancy clear
Takes in all beauty with an easy span:
He has his summer, when luxuriously
Spring's honeyed cud of youthful thought he loves
To ruminate, and by such dreaming high
Is nearest unto heaven: quiet coves.
His soul has its autumn, when his wings
He furleth close; contended so to look
On mists in idleness- to let fair things
Pass by unheeded as a threshold brook-
He has his winter too of pale misfeature,
Or else he would forego his mortal nature.
- John Keats (The Human Seasons)
When I have fears that I may cease to be
Before my pen has glean'd my teeming brain,
Before high piled books, in charact'ry.
Hold like rich garners the full-ripen'd grain;
When I behold, upon the night's starr'd face,
Huge cloudy symbols of a high romance,
And think that I may never live to trace
Their shadows, with the magic hand of chance;
And when I feel, fair creature of an hour!
That I shall never look upon thee more,
Never have relish in the faery power
Of unreflecting love- then on the shore
Of the wide world I stand alone, and think
Til love and fame to nothingness do sink.
- John Keats (When I Have Fears)
This living hand, now warm and capable
Of earnest grasping, would, if it were cold
And in the icy silence of the tomb,
So haunt thy days and chill thy dreaming nights
That thou wouldst wish thine own heart dry of blood
So in my veins red life might stream again,
And thou be conscience- calmed- see, here it is-
I hold it towards you.
- John Keats (This Living Hand)
Let the light of late afternoon
shine through the chinks in the barn, moving
up the bales as the sun moves down.
Let the crickets take up chafing
as a woman takes up her needles
and her yarn. Let evening come.
Let dew collect on the hoe abandoned
in long grass. Let the stars appear
and the moon disclosed her silver horn.
Let the fox go back to its sandy den.
Let the wind die down. Let the shed
go black inside. Let evening come.
To the bottle in the ditch, to the scoop
in the oats, to air in the lung
let evening come.
Let it come as it will, and don't
be afraid. God does not leave us
comfortless, so let evening come.
- Jane Kenyon (Let Evening Come)
Art thou pale for weariness
Of climbing heaven, and gazing on the earth,
Wandering companionless
Among the stars that have a different birth,
And ever changing, like a joyless eyes
That finds no object worth its constancy?
- Percy Bysshe Shelley (To the Moon)
And on that cheek, and o'er that brow,
So soft, so calm, yet eloquent,
The smiles that win, the tints that flow,
But tell of days in goodness spent,
A mind at peace with all below,
A heart whose love is innocent.
- George Gordon Byron (She Walks in Beauty)
In summer I am very glad
We children are so small.
For we can see a thousand things
That men can't see at all.
They don't know much about the moss
And all the stones they pass;
They never lie and play among
The forests in the grass.
They walk about a long way off,
And when we're at the sea,
Let father stoop as best he can
He can't find things like me.
But when the snow is on the ground
And all the puddles freeze,
I wish that I were very tall,
High up above the trees.
- Laurence Alma- Tadema (Playgrounds)
Little lamb, who made thee?
Dost thou know who made thee,
Gave thee life, and bid thee feed
By the stream and o'er the mead;
Gave thee clothing of delight,
Gave thee such a tender voice,
Making all the vales rejoice?
Little lamb, who made thee?
Dost thou know who made thee?
Little lamb, I'll tell thee;
Little lamb, I'll tell thee;
He is called by thy name,
For he too calls Himself a Lamb.
He is meek, He is mild,
He became a little child.
I a child, and thou a lamb,
We are called by His name.
Little lamb, God bless thee.
Little lamb, God bless thee.
- William Blake (The Lamb)
Even this late it happens;
The coming of love, the coming of light.
You wake and the candles are lit as if by themselves.
Stars gather and dreams pour into your pillows,
Sending up warm bouquets of air.
Even this late the bones of the body shine
and tomorrow's dust flares into breath.
- Mark Strand (The Coming of Light)
Writing
Going to bed at five and waking up at seven is a bad idea. I wasn't even tired at five. I was working on Nutrition homework and a short short that I began writing in the DR. It amazes me how my mind can continue to ramble and I can add five, ten, twenty, or thirty more pages to my story. And I will probably never have anything published; rather, writing these stories is a way for me to express my deepest secrets without actually telling anyone. It's a comfort, it's a love, it's something I've been doing since I taught myself to spell. I'm grateful that the Lord has provided such an escape for me. For writing of any kind- poetry or prose- gives me unexplainable joy.
So after another surprise essay exam in History of the Holocaust I went and bought a Venti Starbucks to keep me awake for more homework and writing. If I could throw off everything and write all day, or play guitar, I would. I heard the most amazing composition on piano last night, and it's been playing on my iPod all day. It's calm music- classical- good for thinking.
So after another surprise essay exam in History of the Holocaust I went and bought a Venti Starbucks to keep me awake for more homework and writing. If I could throw off everything and write all day, or play guitar, I would. I heard the most amazing composition on piano last night, and it's been playing on my iPod all day. It's calm music- classical- good for thinking.
Holy Week
What have I done to deserve such a Savior? Absolutely nothing. Yet when I think of the miniscule problems I experience in everyday life, I must remember Jesus' suffering. And so I give my FULL praise to Him during Holy Week- the week that shaped all of eternity. It's time to experience His unfailing love and triumph over death. Praise goes directly to my awesome Savior!
Sunday, March 28, 2010
The Passion of my Lord
The Passion of the Christ was inconceivable. Absolutely unbearable during some scenes. But makes me think all the more that my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, went through all of that for ME. How crazy and awesome and absolutely amazing is that?! Does anything get any better than knowing THAT? I don't think so. And the suffering that I tell myself I endure here on Earth is nothing- merely a speck on the radar- compared to what Jesus suffered for me. He didn't have to but He wanted to, and that is the greatest thing. And to know that, as a believer, I have the wonderful opportunity to spend eternity with Jesus... I am just speechless! I wrote as my status 'this morning' that Jesus will never leave me or forsake me. As I devote my efforts to learning as He did, thinking as He did, and seeing my sin through His eyes, He will wait until I am able to pray exactly what He taught His disciples: that His will be done. HIS will and NO ONE ELSE'S. It's that simple. If I were to tell myself to watch this film when it first came out- and of course my mother wouldn't let me watch it then- I don't think I would have held the same appreciation for it. Of course I wouldn't have. Even now I feel overwhelmed with an array of emotions. Sometimes it may even be past the point of emotion. One must just watch and say nothing but remain in awe that, even though we don't deserve a Savior, He wants all of us anyways. Praise to the Lord! :)
Saturday, March 27, 2010
Can Anybody Hear Me
I’m staring at these empty walls
Wondering when You’ll visit me again
When will You come?
If there is anything at all
Coming in between our love
Please show me, ‘cuz I am barely hanging on
Can anybody hear me?
The silence is deafening
Why do You feel so far away?
When I know You’re here with me
But I just need faith to see
Nothing can separate me from Your love
Believing what I can’t see
Has never come naturally to me
And I’ve got questions
But I am certain of a Love
Strong enough to hold me when I’m doubting
You’ll never let go of my hand
Can anybody hear me?
The silence is deafening
Why do You feel so far away?
When I know You’re here with me
But I just need faith to see
Nothing can separate me from Your love
I will trust in You, even in the moments
I can’t find you, and I will hold on to
Your promises of love
You’ve never failed before
I know You can hear me
When the silence is deafening
Even though You seem far away
And I know You’re here with me
But I just need faith to see
Nothing can separate me from Your love
Wondering when You’ll visit me again
When will You come?
If there is anything at all
Coming in between our love
Please show me, ‘cuz I am barely hanging on
Can anybody hear me?
The silence is deafening
Why do You feel so far away?
When I know You’re here with me
But I just need faith to see
Nothing can separate me from Your love
Believing what I can’t see
Has never come naturally to me
And I’ve got questions
But I am certain of a Love
Strong enough to hold me when I’m doubting
You’ll never let go of my hand
Can anybody hear me?
The silence is deafening
Why do You feel so far away?
When I know You’re here with me
But I just need faith to see
Nothing can separate me from Your love
I will trust in You, even in the moments
I can’t find you, and I will hold on to
Your promises of love
You’ve never failed before
I know You can hear me
When the silence is deafening
Even though You seem far away
And I know You’re here with me
But I just need faith to see
Nothing can separate me from Your love
Friday, March 26, 2010
Stressful week
I swear that the Registrar's Office adds my credits wrong. Just when I thought next semester (fall) would be my last and I could graduate, they pile on the classes they didn't tell me I still need. Which is two nutrition courses to complete my double minor- AND the one HUSR course I was planning to take in the fall (which they said was available) is now only offered in spring. So I need to find a substitute course. Ah! I want to rip my hair out! I just have to pray that, if the Lord wants me here longer, that's where I'll stay. But I'm praying also that He tells me to push myself this summer. If I have to take two summer online courses, then so be it. But I really don't want to have to rearrange everything and postpone my last 200 intern hours in D.C. So prayers would be... greatly appreciated, to say the least! It's tough being back. I feel like this week has been an endless black hole of meetings, meetings, and more meetings. What I'd give to be maintaining my Vitamin D in the DR right now...
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Snow
I really just ENJOY coming home to a blizzard. Like, a foot of snow fell last night alone! And classes were NOT canceled, because UNC hasn't closed in about 30 years! How crazy! I just want to pack up all my things and leave on a jet plane to the DR right now. I can't take this snow. Ah, my heart is still there. And I don't know why!
Monday, March 22, 2010
Realizations
So I realized that I really only have six weeks left of school before summer hits. How can that be? I don't necessarily feel like this year went by too fast or too slow. I suppose fall semester dragged on and spring is going a little faster. It hasn't really hit me that I graduate a year early next fall. And that half of my internship is going to be completed by the end of this June. I don't know if I like growing up! Just this week alone, I have to 1) get a pin number to access registration for my last three classes here at UNC; 2) print out an online internship manual and have the last page signed by my faculty advisor; 3) print and turn in a summer application for the Office of Extended Studies; 4) type up a sample Learning Conduct sheet with goals and objectives while in Mexico; 5) update my resume and turn that in; 6) register and start my last online Nutrition in the Life Cycle course and hopefully have it completed by the end of April. Ah! I kind of want to rip my hair out! This just reminds me of the blessing it was to spend a week in Punta Cana. For the first time in my life I didn't do anything, not even homework- well, I read to history books on the plane ride, but that's it. I kind of forgot what it was like to rest.
I'm convicted of not journaling or keeping up with my devotions while there. Even since I've been back. I think I've just been trying to get through so many things that have happened this year that I feel too exhausted to do so. And while that's not an excuse, it's really all I have for an explanation. Waiting for any sign at all that things would get better, back to normal, was all I could hope for. I should have been receiving that hope in the Word and His Spirit, but instead I shrank back and wallowed away into myself, refusing to let others in and help. I think I forgot how to pray and turn to Christ for awhile- not that I didn't want to. I wanted to with everything that was in me- I just did not know how to do it. And it's terrifying when that happens.
I realized that I just need to be real with God. He already knows my heart, so why not?! He opens my eyes to the root of fear. His presence should become more vivid than anything else. I should be striving to see light in the midst of darkness, but I have not. For awhile, I found a quote by William Walsh and was telling it to myself over and over: "I can endure my own despair, but not another's hope." But that is me losing faith in my God to save me and hear my cries to Him. Psalm 55:4 says, "The terrors of death assail me. Fear and trembling have beset me. Horror has overwhelmed me. Oh, if I had the wings of a dove, I would fly away and be at rest." I asked for so long for His angels to be sent to heal my soul. I needed nothing but His endless love in my life. I ask Him, "If you're carrying me then where are You? I can't feel You." But He was there all along, I was only blinded by myself. My prayers are raised up before God's throne. None of us ever knows when those will affect someone else's life, so we must never cease. "Devote yourselves to prayer, keeping in it with an attitude of thanksgiving; praying at the same time for as as well, that God will open a door for the Word so that we may speak forth the mystery of Christ, for which I am in chains."
So in all, I just need to focus on giving everything to the Lord because He is so good to me, even though I don't deserve it. I can read English and I own many Bibles, which is apparently more than what 80% of the world owns. So I am blessed without realizing it. I must not be anxious in anything because that is an activity of the enemy, and I do not want that in my life. So take it away, God! Take everything away so that I am only left with You.
I'm convicted of not journaling or keeping up with my devotions while there. Even since I've been back. I think I've just been trying to get through so many things that have happened this year that I feel too exhausted to do so. And while that's not an excuse, it's really all I have for an explanation. Waiting for any sign at all that things would get better, back to normal, was all I could hope for. I should have been receiving that hope in the Word and His Spirit, but instead I shrank back and wallowed away into myself, refusing to let others in and help. I think I forgot how to pray and turn to Christ for awhile- not that I didn't want to. I wanted to with everything that was in me- I just did not know how to do it. And it's terrifying when that happens.
I realized that I just need to be real with God. He already knows my heart, so why not?! He opens my eyes to the root of fear. His presence should become more vivid than anything else. I should be striving to see light in the midst of darkness, but I have not. For awhile, I found a quote by William Walsh and was telling it to myself over and over: "I can endure my own despair, but not another's hope." But that is me losing faith in my God to save me and hear my cries to Him. Psalm 55:4 says, "The terrors of death assail me. Fear and trembling have beset me. Horror has overwhelmed me. Oh, if I had the wings of a dove, I would fly away and be at rest." I asked for so long for His angels to be sent to heal my soul. I needed nothing but His endless love in my life. I ask Him, "If you're carrying me then where are You? I can't feel You." But He was there all along, I was only blinded by myself. My prayers are raised up before God's throne. None of us ever knows when those will affect someone else's life, so we must never cease. "Devote yourselves to prayer, keeping in it with an attitude of thanksgiving; praying at the same time for as as well, that God will open a door for the Word so that we may speak forth the mystery of Christ, for which I am in chains."
So in all, I just need to focus on giving everything to the Lord because He is so good to me, even though I don't deserve it. I can read English and I own many Bibles, which is apparently more than what 80% of the world owns. So I am blessed without realizing it. I must not be anxious in anything because that is an activity of the enemy, and I do not want that in my life. So take it away, God! Take everything away so that I am only left with You.
Saturday, March 20, 2010
HOME
Punta Cana: THANK YOU for providing palm trees and the most beautiful water I've ever seen in my entire life. I miss the sand on my feet and the sun on my face, and having absolutely nothing to do but wake up in the morning and spend the whole day on the beach. I also miss Sanchez, our waiter who saved our dinner and breakfast table every single day. Minnesota: I do NOT thank you for your ugly brown grass and fields of snow. But I suppose I should post some of the photos I took...so here we go.
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Uno dias
Is it really possible that one day is left here in paradise. I don't think so. This is definitely unfair! Today was the same agenda. Woke up at 8:30; breakfast from 9-10; lay at the beach the entire day until a shower before dinner at 7. Wow. I am really going to miss this. The end.
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Parasailing
I went parasailing this morning. Is there anything in life that is more enjoyable? I don't think so. Not only was I flying, but I was outside an airplane in the SKY. I was strapped in the most comfortable harness in the world- in fact, if they sky could be my bed that would be so glorious. The sky was extremely blue and the water was beautiful. There was a family of six that came along with us, and another set of brothers from Canada. One of them turned 22 today. It's also St. Patrick's Day. It's weird to see people dressing up...
It's also my grandpa's birthday. If he were still alive he would be 92 today. I wrote a note for him on the sand with my mom. It says "Love You Grandpa." We wrote it high enough so the surf wouldn't take it away. I would post the photographs I took of it, but my cable cord is in Minnesota. Bummer.
So it was an incredible day. It's amazing how doing nothing but lounging in the sun can make one exhausted. I cannot believe I only have two days left in this place. It seems like the disastrous first day should be occurring again tomorrow to start us off. I know I won't want to return to Colorado ... or school ... but I realized I only have six weeks left! That is a praise!
Toodles from the DR!
It's also my grandpa's birthday. If he were still alive he would be 92 today. I wrote a note for him on the sand with my mom. It says "Love You Grandpa." We wrote it high enough so the surf wouldn't take it away. I would post the photographs I took of it, but my cable cord is in Minnesota. Bummer.
So it was an incredible day. It's amazing how doing nothing but lounging in the sun can make one exhausted. I cannot believe I only have two days left in this place. It seems like the disastrous first day should be occurring again tomorrow to start us off. I know I won't want to return to Colorado ... or school ... but I realized I only have six weeks left! That is a praise!
Toodles from the DR!
Monday, March 15, 2010
So I would forget to bring my cable cord to upload some photos I've taken so far... that will have to wait until I get home. But I went kayaking today on the bluest water you've ever seen. We went out this afternoon so the water was a tad choppy, but we went out past the surf. It was just beautiful. God is so good to create such a beautiful place for us. We don't even deserve it! But there I was out on the water, and I had to stop paddling for a second. I just had to admire where I was and think about how lucky I was to be there. And I am grateful. This has been an extraordinary week so far. God gives rest to those who trust! He gives rest to those He loves.
Toodles!
Toodles!
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Bring the Heat
Heat wave. Seriously. My entire research paper wilted on my bed because of the humidity here. There's almost no point in showering! It's beastly! But the food and smoothies are so delectable. I'll try to get some photos on here soon. They carve with fruit these huge sculptures! It's phenomenal! But so far, everything is fantastic. Later!
Saturday, March 13, 2010
Helloooo Punta Cana
Hola from Punta Cana, Dominican Republic! So we stepped off the plane WITHOUT a jetway. That means we got to descend to the airfield by stairs! Yes, like in the movies. How amazing. Even though we were dressed in Minnesota clothing and it's about ninety degrees with smarming humidity. The drivers are pretty crazy...changing lanes and tailgating so horribly upon poor mopends that the drivers probably think they'll be swept under the car... And my mom about ready to vom in the seat next to me. But hey, we arrived at the resort safely! And then my dad slammed the door on my mom's hand while we were getting out of the taxi. So her hand is sprained, and the stupid ovaries of mine have produced yet another cyst or two. Joy. I thought I would see a few weeks without any. So the pain medications have become my friend. So hopefully tomorrow is a day with no complications! I spoke some FRENCH today, believe it or not. They speak complete Spanish here, but because French is dominant in Haiti and I am French-speaking- not Spanish- my mom asked the waiter jokingly if he spoke French, and he did! So I didn't feel like such a clueless tourist! :) And I did manage to read an entire book for History of the Holocaust on the ride from Denver yesterday; and finish it within two hours this morning. PLUS I read the entire book "The Last Song" on the plane and bawled my eyes out on the last five pages. I cannot WAIT to see the film. 13 days!
Friday, March 12, 2010
HOME
I AM HOME for less than twelve hours. But HOME nonetheless. Oh, how I've missed it! I wake up at about three-thirty in the morning to leave for the Dominican Republic. Six hour plane ride, baby. What am I going to do? I am going to READ for JOY. "The Last Song" by Nicholas Sparks. SO excited for that film to come out on the 31st. I can hardly sit still. I watch the trailer about twice a day. :)
So I'm off! Finally! Pray for safety! Love you all.
Thursday, March 11, 2010
2010 Olympics
P.S. Before I forget, I should probably upload some of my favorite photos from the 2010 Olympics- seeing as how I'm completely OBSESSED. Only 867 days until I am hopefully volunteering in London. That's right, my friends. I dearly hope for this! And the ones below were taken at the U.S. Olympic Training Center in Colorado Springs.
Michael Phelps's pool! We just missed him!
Figure skating was definitely a priority.
As was speed skating for Kara. Overall, VERY successful day. If I were to upload ALL the pictures we took...DOMINICAN REPUBLIC
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
"The Real Me"
Foolish heart looks like we’re here again
Same old game of plastic smiles don’t let anybody in
Hiding my heartache will this glass house break?
How much will they take before I’m empty?
Do I let it show? Does anybody know?
But You see the real me Lord hiding in my skin broken from within
Unveil me completely I’m loosening my grasp
There’s no need to mask my frailty 'cause you see the real me
Faded heart life is behind a mask
Self-inflicted circus clown I’m tired of this song and dance
Living a charade always on a rade what a mess I’ve made of my existence
But you love me even now, still I see you somehow
You see the real me Lord hiding in my skin broken from within
Unveil me completely I’m loosening my grasp
There’s no need to mask my frailty ‘cause you see the real me
Wonderful, beautiful that’s what You see when You look at me
You’re turning the tattered things of my life into a perfect tapestry
Oh, I just want to be me I want to be me
But You see the real me Lord hiding in my skin broken from within.
Unveil me completely I’m loosening my grasp
There’s no need to mask my frailty, ‘cause you see the real me
And You love me just as I am
Wonderful, beautiful is what You see when You look at me
-Natalie Grant
Because I want to be beautiful
Because everyone will envy me
Because I will have so much confidence
Because I will look good in any outfit
Because I will not be jealous of anyone
Because I will not be self-conscious
Because I am sick of this cycle of eating
Because I haven’t succeeded yet
Because I don’t want to be crazy forever
Because I want to be better
Because I don’t want to be fat
Because fat is hideous
Because I am not comfortable in my own skin
Because I will be
Because it is all I can think about
Because I’ve come this far
Because I am sick of waiting
Because I want her to be me
Because I am stronger than food
Because I am stronger than genetics
Because food poisons me
Because food makes me physically ill
Because God gave me willpower
Because I have to break the addiction
Because I will hate myself if I don’t
Because I cry every night out of disgust at myself
Because I am afraid to weigh myself
Because the glory will be mine
Because I have to endure
Because I can be perfect, I just have to be strong
Because of yesterday
Because of tomorrow
Because of today
Because I will surprise everyone
Because my bones are almost showing
Because food isn’t good for anything
Because I’ve let myself go too much
Because carbohydrates are the devil
Because I won’t get any satisfaction from eating
Because everyone thinks I can’t do it
Because no one takes me seriously
Because I cry when I look in the mirror
Because it will make me happy
Because I will prove that I can succeed
Because I’ve wanted this for years
Because I can do it!
Because I’m almost there
Because I’ve worked so hard
Because I don’ t deserve to eat yet
Because every girl will want to be me
Because will be better than everyone
Because I will look better than everyone
Because the scale tells the truth
Because I will beat the odds
Because I will do whatever it takes
Because I don’t need food to survive
Because tastes never last
Because weight lasts forever
Because MK can do it, I can too
Because I will love myself for once
Because double-digits have been my dream
Because hard work WILL pay off
Because other girls believe in me
Because I will look like a model
Because food is overrated
Because I am better than that
Because no one wants a cow.
This is something that has been puncturing holes in my heart for months. Am I worth it? Am I beautiful? Who am I to others, and more importantly, who am I to God? This is a poem of what I used to believe. And in the conquest of being completely honest no matter how brutal that is, some of those thoughts still rack my brain. But I know that the Lord does NOT view me in this light. What I think about myself is a sin to Him! It breaks HIS heart, because I am made in His perfect image! Learning to listen for His voice is a journey that is long, winding, but never-ending. Even when I can't find Him, He's always waiting for me. If I let go of the promises He has made to me- He has never failed before- I will lose everything. When I feel as if no one in the world understands where my thoughts come from, He knows. Only by His grace am I where I am today.
Fly
Lyrics that I wrote this summer. My friend Derek put them to music.
Its summer, its summer, heat in the air
Beauty and wonder, I need no care
Dirt roads, no coats, life in the fast lane
Long days, its made, here in the heat wave
[Take me, take me, take me away
On the breeze
Take me, take me, take me away
Count of three
One, two, three]
Ice cream stands, kids in the streets
Sprinklers running, grass at my feet
Paved roads, fast boats, life in the fast lane
Long days, its made, here in the heat wave
[Take me, take me, take me away
On the breeze
Take me, take me, take me away
Count of three
One, two, three]
[Take me, take me, take me away
On the breeze
Take me, take me, take me away
Count of three
One, two, three]
Oh, its winter now, season to shoot
Slush and snow cover these boots
Messy roads, thick coats, life in the slow lane
Short days, no rays, working through fires ablaze
On the icy breeze, this icy breeze
Take me, take me away
Why Not?
Well, here we are. I finally decided to make one of these. Yes, I keep a physical journal, but I haven't been very good at writing lately. Maybe this will help.
First of all, can I just get an Amen for the Lord? He has been so faithful to me, even when I have not been faithful to Him. He won't ever leave! How phenomenal! He has taught me so many things this semester. It's been a hard one- a hard year, actually. I have experienced things I thought I never would, especially physical illness. But His love remains, if that is all that I have. He has given me a sense of peace in my heart, and I am learning to listen for His voice in all that I do.
As I approach spring break on Friday, I would just like to say that I am quite in dire need for it. I will be spending the week in the warmth and beauty of the Dominican Republic! I hope to skydive, parasail, and scuba dive for the first time in my life. I am very excited. Pray for safety there!
I think this about does it for the first post. We'll see how the rest goes!
First of all, can I just get an Amen for the Lord? He has been so faithful to me, even when I have not been faithful to Him. He won't ever leave! How phenomenal! He has taught me so many things this semester. It's been a hard one- a hard year, actually. I have experienced things I thought I never would, especially physical illness. But His love remains, if that is all that I have. He has given me a sense of peace in my heart, and I am learning to listen for His voice in all that I do.
As I approach spring break on Friday, I would just like to say that I am quite in dire need for it. I will be spending the week in the warmth and beauty of the Dominican Republic! I hope to skydive, parasail, and scuba dive for the first time in my life. I am very excited. Pray for safety there!
I think this about does it for the first post. We'll see how the rest goes!
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