Home: Transition Phase

BREAK MY HEART FOR WHAT BREAKS YOURS

It's my second day back from Haiti and I really can't believe it. It's already been two days? How is that possible? It's been a difficult transition...when my mom picked me up at the airport, I got in the car and A) didn't remember how a "smooth" ride felt; and B) I put my hand up to grip the ceiling handle, only to be asked: "What on Earth are you doing?" I replied, "Sorry...this is how we rode in the top-top..." and took my hand down. We didn't really talk on the way home...and even within the last two days we haven't talked much. I've just been at a loss for words...sure, they're floating around in my head, but I can't form them into coherent sentences and paragraphs when I speak. It's too overwhelming. My body traveled back to the States, but my heart and soul are still in Haiti. I've been on countless mission trips where it was so easy to transition back--not because they were domestic, but...I just don't know why. I took a cold shower when I got home, after unpacking a few things, just because I felt like it. I was stunned to be back in consistent air conditioning, although it didn't feel as good here because it didn't feel like 120 degrees anymore. I didn't have to peel my clothes off, either. But somehow I missed that because, essentially, IT DIDN'T MATTER IN HAITI. I really started to feel acclimated the second to last day. And before you know it, it WAS the last day and I didn't really know how to react. How could we be leaving tomorrow when we spent the first two days getting adjusted and figuring out the logistics? It didn't seem fair. So the transition's been very difficult. As we discussed as a team the night before our last day, you want to make a lasting impression. You want to FEEL a lasting impression. You want your life and others' lives to change. I wanted to be able to express what I experienced in Haiti and how it affected me once I came back, but I haven't been able to. Today was my first day back at work and it was overwhelming to see happy, healthy babies who smile at me when I provoke them, who want to be cradled and cuddled. It was weird to be asked, "How was your trip?" After a deer in the headlights moment I guess I found myself able to respond, "It was amazing." But that doesn't really begin to cover it. I guess I'll process a little more each day, but I don't think it will get any easier to "be here" when I want to "be there." I have tasted inspiration in Haiti. It is only solidified by intentional actions that will turn this inspiration into permanent transformation.

"Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will." -Romans 12:2

What do I want to start doing, and why?
What do I want to stop doing, and why?

There is no better question to discover our values, gifts, and talents than the question, What makes you angry? So, what makes you angry? What injustice did I see in Haiti, and does it show me anything new about myself? How will I put this into practice?

"And the Spirit of the Lord shall rest upon him, the Spirit of wisdom and understanding, the Spirit of counsel and might, the Spirit of knowledge and the fear of the Lord. And his delight shall be in the fear of the Lord. He shall not judge by what his eyes see, or decide disputes by what his ears hear, but with righteousness he shall judge the poor, and decide with equity for the meek of the earth; and he shall strike the earth with the rod of his mouth, and with the breath of his lips he shall kill the wicked. Righteousness shall be the belt of his waist, and faithfulness the belt of his loins." -Isaiah 11:2-5