It's 1:47p in Miami. Just arrived after going through customs. I can't believe two things: A) That we have a 7-hour layover in Miami before heading home, and B) That we have left Haiti. Last night was hard. Hard to come up with a word of the day because it still seemed like we had just arrived in Haiti....hard to process the week's entirety and sum its events up into one word....hard to imagine what it was going to be like arriving on the Miami strip and knowing you're about to walk into a nice airport teeming with restaurants, shops, and indoor bathrooms where you can flush the toilet and use the water. I already don't like these feelings stirring inside me, like I'm somehow missing out on something so much bigger....that I'm being forced to acclimate to a different place all over again. Essentially that's what is happening here. I don't like it. Take me back! Although I am not an "in the moment" processor, I know enough that I want to back in the guest house, out on the streets, back in the overwhelming heat that is so powerful you don't know how you're physically functioning....back with the infants, children, smiles, and wonderful people.
I am so thankful...BEYOND thankful for everything.
Cradling sick and dying babies who are living in conditions that only prolong their illnesses and suffering....They are laying in rickety cribs with hot, sweaty skin against donated sheets, no gloves to change diapers or administer medications....
Water for bottles that comes from old ethyl alcohol containers...
Holding the hands of toddlers and kids who have been abandoned because of a disability or simply because their parents didn't want them....
Telling the kid who was found in a dumpster at age 7 and who is now a teenager that he is a human being who is worth fighting for...
Being in the middle of a mob when we delivered water in the largest slum of the Western Hemisphere...
Seeing the desperation and panic of not receiving a bucket of water to last the week...
Carrying more children than you're able to and trying to walk with them hanging off your limbs over the dirty ground of the slum that is covered with blood, feces, dirt, rocks, cut up glass, garbage, old food, animals, animal waste, and more...
Being invited into a home that is made of dirt, tin, and one tarp...
Smelling the smell of human and animal waste, garbage, and contaminated water as you drive down the street...
Inhaling polluted air and fossil fuels as trucks drive down the freeways....
Hanging on for dear life in the top-top yet secretly enjoying the wearing no seatbelt thing...
Taking a freezing cold shower that feels so good and then dripping sweat all over again the second you get out...
Eating the best mango, pineapple, and Haitian fruits and vegetables you've ever had....
Learning to trust the community members of Haitian neighborhoods who appreciate your help, testimonies, and smiles and willingness to be real and raw without judgment....
The development of my testimony....testifying God's life, love, and mercy as I follow His commands....
Realizing that the world is a messy place but progress starts with just one...and
Knowing that there is a place in my heart reserved for Haiti that will never be filled again but will continue to grow deeper each time I return....
I will testify to the love and a be a witness to those who are oppressed in silence ...giving thanks to God who called me to Haiti not to be served, but to serve....I take away so much more from these people than anything I did in this place. Every act of mercy and step towards grace and fulfilling God's commands on Earth tells me YES, this is the choice I have made and there is no way it could be wrong! In multiple ways, I was washed by the water. The first day I saw children and got to interact with them, I was extremely selfish. I was selfish and I knew it and it ripped my heart in two. I hated myself. Why? These children who were clambering up my body made a beeline for me and kept yelling, "Chinwa!" which means "Chinese" in Creole. I knew that was what they were saying and I've never felt myself mentally shut down so quick in my life. Really? As if I didn't already have to deal with this enough at home, now I had to experience it here too? Could I ever escape who I am? Will I always hate that part of me and shun others who notice it? It's the cross I carry every day of my life. It is what shames me and disgusts me, and yet I realized what a barrier it was. I told myself to shape up. I asked God to help me see my selfishness through His eyes. I prayed, "Lord, I am maybe all these kids have...one smile, two hands to hold, one heart to care. I do not want to go home and say that I didn't love or give or provide less than 300%. You have called me into life! Is this not the type of fasting I have chosen, to care for the oppressed, to advocate for those in poverty; for the widows, the children, the orphans? And God changed my heart. I got to experience the passion and joy at church on Sunday morning. I lifted ,y hands and we closed our eyes and praised God in English and Creole. It was one of the most amazing experiences I've had...and I cradled a Haitian girl in my arms through the whole of it.
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