Surrender.

Future. Past. Present. Where am I, exactly? Good question. Can I answer? Do I even know how to answer? No. But God does. And time and time again I find myself surrendering and giving all my fears, hopes, worries, and dreams to Him; yet it leaves me feeling empty, not satisfied. Somewhere along the way I learned to "surrender" without surrendering. Who knows why? If they can tell me, it's a bonus! I just have so much flying through my head at the speed of light, who on Earth can settle me down? Would you like a sample of what my mashed-potato brain has turned into?

The stellar Straight No Chaser men's a capella concert last night. The frustrating administration at UNC. The art department at UNC. The admissions department at University of Arizona. The maternal and health course at UA. Graduate school. International health. Global health disparities. The Peace Corps. Boston University. Commitments. Nursing. Chemistry. Physician's assistant? Medicine. Health. Third-world countries. My heart, Africa. People. Helping them. Traveling. Beauty and pain of the world. Photography. Intellect. Desire. Hope. Dreams. Friendships. Letdowns. Priorities. Blessings in disguise. Fear. Anxiety. Confusion. Unanswered questions. Praying knees. Tears in the soul. Why, God, why? Thank-you's and IOU's. Praise. Worship. Music, my passion. Self-discovery. My vocation. Am I doing the right thing? What about all my hard work? Planning. Schedules. God's timing. Friendships, relationships. But most importantly the past, the present, the future. What God's doing in my life. How I can get rid of myself? The things that make me me- my desires, my hopes, my dreams- How can I lay them at the foot of the cross and focus on Jesus?

That is what needs to be answered.