Made for more. That is what I am. And yet I find myself sitting at home this summer, spending 99.987% of my time with my parents. I mean, that's not wrong-- don't take it that way-- but really? During the summer? While I still feel as if I've been rendered worthless and useless by God? As I've written in nearly every post, I still feel as if there's something I'm being called to and I just haven't recognized it yet. That could be the reason that I've found myself pounding on ten million doors that have been slammed shut. Some days I am fine with where I am at. I know that I have opportunities to show God's love to those around me in the house and in my community. However, I also find myself wishing that I were somehow in...Africa. Or Europe. Somewhere more exciting instead. I know it's awful of me to fall back against God's wishes-- whatever those are for me-- but He knows best. And I have the feeling that He wants me here for a reason. He's trying to teach me something, and I know His lessons are never useless, nor should they be tossed aside without meaning. But I see all my friends from school in Bangladesh, China, California, England, Peru, Chile, everywhere! And for the life of me I can't understand why I'm so envious! I need to rid of it! It's just poison, and I'm strong enough to get away. But how? I've been on my knees in prayer, I've been crying out to God. I've told Him to send me where He wants me. I've told Him to use me how He wishes. Why is nothing working?
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Made for More
Made for more. That is what I am. And yet I find myself sitting at home this summer, spending 99.987% of my time with my parents. I mean, that's not wrong-- don't take it that way-- but really? During the summer? While I still feel as if I've been rendered worthless and useless by God? As I've written in nearly every post, I still feel as if there's something I'm being called to and I just haven't recognized it yet. That could be the reason that I've found myself pounding on ten million doors that have been slammed shut. Some days I am fine with where I am at. I know that I have opportunities to show God's love to those around me in the house and in my community. However, I also find myself wishing that I were somehow in...Africa. Or Europe. Somewhere more exciting instead. I know it's awful of me to fall back against God's wishes-- whatever those are for me-- but He knows best. And I have the feeling that He wants me here for a reason. He's trying to teach me something, and I know His lessons are never useless, nor should they be tossed aside without meaning. But I see all my friends from school in Bangladesh, China, California, England, Peru, Chile, everywhere! And for the life of me I can't understand why I'm so envious! I need to rid of it! It's just poison, and I'm strong enough to get away. But how? I've been on my knees in prayer, I've been crying out to God. I've told Him to send me where He wants me. I've told Him to use me how He wishes. Why is nothing working?
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment