Disappointments

That is why, for Christ's sake, I am please in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. -2 Corinthians 12:10

I lie down and sleep; I wake again because the Lord sustains me. -Psalm 3:5

In the morning, Lord, You hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before You and wait in expectation. -Psalm 5:3

Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord. -Psalm 27:14

We wait in hope for the Lord; for He is our help and our shield. -Psalm 33:20

Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him; do not fret when men succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes. -Psalm 37:7

I wait for You, Lord, and You will answer, O Lord my God. -Psalm 38:15

I waited patiently for the Lord; He turned to me and heard my cry. -Psalm 40:1

For Your name's sake, O Lord, preserve my life; in Your righteousness, bring me out of trouble. In Your unfailing love, silence my enemies and destroy my foes, for I am Your servant. -Psalm 143: 11

Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you; He rises to show you compassion. For the Lord is a God of Justice. Blessed are all who wait for Him! -Isaiah 30:18

I say to myself, "The Lord is my portion, therefore I will wait for Him." -Lamentations 3:24

If you accept My words and store up My commands with you, turning your ear to wisdom and applying your heart to understanding, and if you call out for insight and cry aloud for understanding, and if you look for it as for silver and search for it as for hidden treasure, then you will understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of God. -Proverbs 2:1-5

Oh, Lord, I know I haven't much acted like one of Your servants, that's for sure. I stumble headfirst into a brand new disappointment at 10:42 last night, and I lose it. I even cry--which never happens-- and I call my mom around eleven-thirty, feeling awful to wake her up. I feel the room closing in around me and do not understand what is happening anymore. For a brief second I tell myself that I should give up--that I am done tying-- and then I nearly hit myself, knowing that is not what You require of me. You will continue to sustain me and uphold me with Your hand, even though I feel as if everything around me is crashing down. I have to keep getting on my knees with my hands folded, tears in my eyes, and crying out to You. I need understanding and clarification, that which can only come abundantly from You. And looking at all the above verses about being patient and waiting for You--serving You while I wait--I must take those to heart, especially this summer. Serve You while I'm waiting. I have no peace in my heart, Lord, and I pray to You with everything that is in me for peace; an abundant, overflowing peace that drowns my heart. That is what I ask of You, Lord--that I would search for peace like silver and find that You are enough for me.

God's Blessings

When I consider the ratio of blessings to disappointments in my life, I have to laugh at myself. I laugh at myself because I become easily discouraged in disappointment more than giving praise to Jesus for my blessings. And that struck a chord in me tonight. I realized that, although I have faced six large disappointments for this summer and have had a difficult year, I still have ABUNDANT reasons to rejoice. I know God will not shield me-anyone- from suffering. He will, however, use my suffering to make me stronger. He will transform me. I want to serve for Him. I have wanted to serve for Him, and sometimes it even felt like that was not what He wanted me to do. But it was made clear tonight, that He closed certain doors to open new ones. Tonight, another summer opportunity arose in the form of service in Haiti! I would leave on a team of 25 students maximum and an adult leader through the IMB. Groups are being sent every week for two weeks from May 15th through August 7th. We would be doing an array of projects and activities. I've taken to praying with everything I have about this opportunity. I just know that I need to be out in the world. Away from here. Serving. Helping. Doing what I can, trying to bring more. We watched a video at Challenge tonight about Jesus being our intercessor. The time is always ripe to do right, and we should constantly be asking ourselves how we can be serving others. We've been saved so that we can rescue others. Compared to other nations we are rich. We are to use our wealth for the benefit of others. We do not need to receive before we give. We're so unaware of what Jesus has done for us! He is able to save us completely, no matter what we go through! Because of Him we are more than conquerors- and not because of what we've done, but because of who Jesus is. "We were bought at a price." It's not about saving our own skin; it's about spending it for God's glory. "It is no longer I who live, but Christ in me." Idle hands are the Devil's playground, and that is what got me thinking about this summer. How imperative it is that I recognize God's works tonight! He completely provided an opportunity for me to serve short-term this summer! How phenomenal!

While I'm Waiting

So this song came on K-LOVE tonight while I was cleaning. I turned it up all the way and, instead of singing along, I just listened to the words. It’s been a long time since I’ve done that. I enjoy singing too much to not sing. I forgot how much the words to this song move me! I looked up the lyrics and wanted to add them on here. When I found a good site, I noticed that John had given his input as to why he wrote the lyrics. He also provided some verses that speak of God’s sufficiency while we wait for Him! Too often we - I – will sing along without understanding the implications that come along with listening. It’s like praying and then expecting to hear God’s voice two minutes later. Sometimes we just need to sit in silence. That speaks volumes! God already knows the words in our hearts anyway! But here are the verses and lyrics. Enjoy, because I know I did. How amazing is my Lord that He knows I needed to hear this song tonight.

-Psalm 5:3, 27:14, 33:20, 37:7, 38:15, 40:1, Isaiah 30:18, Lamentations 3:24

"The explanation for this song is simple, I was waiting on God and I was hurting when I wrote the lyrics. I probably wouldn’t have written a song if my friend, Mike, hadn’t encouraged me to document what I was going through during that time. I’m sure there are few people who can’t relate to this song, but the important thing to remember while we’re waiting on God is to not just wait but to actively wait. Serve, worship and be faithful with what you have, where you are… “even while (you) wait.” –John Waller

I’m waiting
I’m waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I’m waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait

I will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience

While I’m waiting
I will serve You
While I’m waiting
I will worship
While I’m waiting
I will not faint
I’ll be running the race
Even while I wait

I’m waiting
I’m waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I’m waiting on You, Lord
Though it’s not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait

I will serve You while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting
I will serve You while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting
I will serve You while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting on You, Lord

Lyrics

I just had to get these lyrics off of my chest. This is a song I wrote at about one this morning, when I should have been sleeping. I'm telling you, lyrics hit me in the face like a ton of bricks at the worst times. That's why I'm an insomniac who survives on Starbucks alone. In a way I'm hoping this rain session is going to wash everything away and leave me with a renewed spirit for the start of summer. But we'll see....enjoy.


Hear me calling I'm on my knees
Turned for help in all the wrong places
I need You I need You

I'm exhausted from days without any sleep
I hear 'Have hope He will guide you through'
But I'm beginning to doubt that

And though I know
You never give up
You never give in
You rule with Your hand
You move me within
I don't feel that here

It's easy to lose hope when the Spirit's astray
I just wish You could hear me call
I sit and waste and these days away

Seeking for an answer to an eternal riddle
In the air with nowhere to land
I'm tired of being Your lost daughter

And though Iknow
You never give up
You never give in
You rule with Your hand
You move me within
I don't feel that here

So show me the way Lord
Be the lantern in my darkness
Give me the pursuit of life

These knees are growing bruised
These praying hands fall at my sides
I begin to lose my voice my hope

And though Iknow
You never give up
You never give in
You rule with Your hand
You move me within
I don't feel that here

Though I know these things
I don't feel them here

It's been pouring rain for two and a half days. Non-stop. Yesterday we had hail and a tornado warning in west Greeley. Thank goodness my second and last class of the day was canceled on account of the weather! But the thing is, I hate rain! I cannot stand it. It has to be the most depressing thing. Not only is Jesus crying, but the sky is typically pitch black with the rain. I only appreciate rain unless I am home. And it is summertime. And I can sit with a hot cup of coffee on my porch. Otherwise, forget it! Not to mention that my apartment is right beneath the gutter under the roof...so it drains allllllll day long. How I wish I could appreciate it more.

Life in Him

Where else will I go? There is no other name by which I am saved! It is You, only You.

We talked about "What if I have doubts?" this morning at Zoe's. The sermon came from John 20:24-31. "As the Father has sent Me, I am sending you." This is what Jesus tells us in John 20. However, we get it in the way of what God wants to do with us. We're covered in doubt, shame, insecurity, and comparison to others. We must move beyond our "failures to experience our callings." We talked about two different pieces of framework that will strengthen our faith:

1. Establish a bedrock foundation. This occurs when we realize the importance of Jesus' death and resurrection. Historians and authors and researchers today claim that only Jesus' teachings were significant. They push aside the sacrifice Jesus made, regarding it as unnecessary and unimportant. But failing to recognize Jesus' death and resurrection for us completely undermines what He did do! There is no point if we forget all of that! Even one of Jesus' disciples did not believe in His resurrection. He said he must "see the nail holes in His hands and touch the wounds in His sides" to know what Jesus had done was real. His sacrifice is the foundation for us! It's not just about His teachings! "Because He lived I can live. Because He loves I can have hope." We can have a foundation built on the rock and still be unsure of some elements in our faith. Everyone is. But if we lack a foundation based on Jesus' death, we have nothing. We have to "set aside the multitude of questions and begin simply, first and foremost, with the death and resurrection."
2. Experience Jesus personally. He already knows our doubts- even when we deny that we have doubts. He tells us to believe in Him and what He's done for us. He tells us to accept. By His wounds we are healed. His death and resurrection was not some historical event, "it is a present reality that provides us with truth every single day." We should be overwhelmed by Jesus' love for us, despite our imperfections! Truth should be exploding at the core of our souls. John 6:68 says, "Where else would we go? Jesus holds eternal truth and life!" So that is the point. Where else would I go? Life is found in Him.

This Broken Benefit

It's pouring rain today. If I were at home I could sit outside on my porch and watch it fall with a hot cup of coffee. But more often than not rain makes me depressed. If the sun is out and it's still raining, that is fine. But this...is awful. No porch, no coffee. Not to mention that I'm allergic to the rain and am already getting sick.

But about the benefit concert last night. It featured Sauni's Big Jump, Freedmont, Danny Everett, and Tell Me Again. We raised nearly $400 to donate directly to Haiti and Chile! How amazing the Lord is! And prayer is powerful. We all prayed before people began to show up. The weather was freezing cold and windy, and we weren't sure how many were going to come. But God definitely provided! It was just a good time to meet people and further connect with Challenge. The t-shirts were a hit, too. We showed one of Rob Bell's NOOMA videos called "Rich." I think it gave new perspective to everyone in attendance. We were trying to turn "This Broken Benefit" into a combination world poverty awareness evening, so that was appropriate to show. Praise God for the funds that were raised. He is good!

P.S. We had a nice 'N Sync street dance party after clean-up. It was pretty amazing. Very liberating, I might add.