Best Worst Week

This has been the best worst week of my life. Well...maybe the second best worst week. I'm not quite sure. All I know is that I may have underestimated this last semester of senior year. I suppose I thought I would definitely be over the whole "homesickness" thing, but apparently NOT. I also thought this was supposed to be the cheapest part of my college career, considering that I'm taking Ballet, figure skating, and am only here for one semester. WRONG again. Things just seemed to be piling up and up; things were breaking or not working; the heat is making me irritable and tired; among other things, like my printer breaking right out of storage and having to drive it to Denver (I've never driven to Denver). PLUS, a motherload of stress with my graduate course and discovering I needed one more nutrition course to complete my minor, since UNC decided to pull the one I was planning to take from their catalog. GAH! I really have cried every day this past week, and I know that I don't cry. So it's been quite heartfelt. BUT in the midst of all that, God has continued to be nothing but the saving, faithful Father that I don't deserve. That's right. Despite the hardships, He has created a way out. He has been waiting for me to turn my stubborn, broken self to Him. He has been waiting for me to fall to my knees with my hands folded, tears streaming down my face (this has happened many times recently).

At church yesterday, we read through Romans 12:9-18. Can you say perfect? Yes, this was the perfect set of verses for me to read! Boy, do I have issues. I need to let go of this isolation that I've not only been feeling, but acting on...pulling myself away from people and trying to get through everything alone; having to pray to God to help me get back to Him. Wow. I need to also love people rather than like them; drive myself into their hearts to find their needs and understanding the things I can be praying for. I need to stop letting the little issues that we all face in everyday life get to me. I need to...and you get the picture. I have to get my act together here.

With the stress from this Maternal and Child Health graduate course, God's also been telling me many things. But it basically boils down to the realization that I'm not quite sure I want to go for a Master's in Public Health anymore. Even though I was already applying to programs and looking for states that offer my global health concentration, God kindly told me that (and not taking the easy way out) I am not supposed to do that. I should go into ministry. And if I want to, I can still find a way to incorporate my Bachelor's degree. I've been thinking about going into worship and ministry or camp ministry, or being a children's counselor. I have NO idea. But I do know that I should not be applying for public health Master's programs! Stop!

So I have just been praying fervently that God would continue to mold my heart and reveal Himself to me. I want Him to tell me where I need to be, show me where I need to go. He has already made Himself evident these past few days, as I'm able to watch how things are slowly but surely coming together. He's prepared a new LIFE plan for me! What a coincidence, since I already thought that "always-good-plan" was in place. But God's always changing hearts and priorities, that's for sure. I know that I'm still doing what He wants me to do- get an education so that I can apply myself. It's just a matter of where that application is going to knock me off my feet. Who knows? God does.