Pain and Suffering

So it's been a busy few months, but quiet as far as writing is concerned. Nursing school takes up quite a bit of time. I've learned a lot about my journey with God on the way. Here is my devotion for today:
The truth that many people never understand, until it is too late, is that the more you try to avoid suffering the more you suffer because smaller and more insignificant things begin to torture you in proportion to your fear of being hurt. --Thomas Merton

I've spent a lot of my time in fear lately: fear that I was not chosen for this nursing program for the right reasons, fear that I would have absolutely no idea what I was doing (which I didn't!), fear that I would have bad grades, fear that I worked so hard all summer to get ready for this and then I would want something else, fear that I would just ultimately fail. I felt that I was failing in my OWN eyes, although my sight does not truly matter, but the sight of God. I kept waiting for one day where I would find happiness, some satisfaction, some thing that would make me feel proud of myself for my work. At the end of the day, though, at the end of my life, it won't be about how much work I did. It won't be about my grades or what my diploma says, what my credentials are. It will be whether or not I completed my life on my knees, before God, who gave me the opportunities. I learned that I was hurting in places that I didn't know could hurt, for reasons unknown; a chronic sadness existed. But it's because so much sadness exists, that the capability for joy increases exponentially. I must be satisfied with the Lord and nothing else.