A Short Visit Here

In my devotion today I was reading about Thomas À Kempis, a Catholic monk from the 1300's. The lesson he provided today was very helpful to me, as I've been thinking about this non-stop for months. He writes: "We strive for Earth's honors-- sports trophies, academic degrees, career success-- and that's valid and good. Yet we must keep all achievements in perspective, for life is fleeting and the bottom line is living in the Spirit and serving Christ. Where are now all those Masters and Doctors you knew so well in the full flower of their learning? Others now sit in their seats and they are hardly ever thought of. Oh, how swiftly the glory of the world passes away!"

I've been thinking so much about life changes. God's been preparing my heart for these changes over the course of the past six months. In August I could take nothing more than one day at a time, so different from where I'd been my entire life before: preoccupied with planning my future. I learned today at work about four of the most common neurological sorting systems that people have. These basically give people an idea of how God wired them. They're not exactly things you can change, and they often cause frustrations; but the key is learning what and who you are and how to nourish outside relationships so that you can thrive as one of God's children.

A person can be in-time (being present in the moments of everyday life) or through time (concerned with the past and future); moving towards (moving towards positive opportunities and taking chances) or moving away (moving away from negative things in life and putting up walls as a defense mechanism); same sorting system (seeing the similarities and opportunities in things) or difference sorting system (seeing the differences in things); and sort by self (not selfish, but concerned with how situations affect the self) or sort by others (concerned with the welfare of others so much that neglect of self occurs). Well, needless to say I was evenly distributed for two of the assessments (same/difference and moving away/moving toward) and extreme on the other two (sort by others and through time). I figure that I'm also definitely a moving away personality but for some reason the assessment didn't tell me that. I already know that. Anyway, we discussed as a class how the person you spend the rest of your life with is most likely the opposite of your own characteristics, and God again designed us this way. Whichever systems you find yourself more prone to, you're required to spend a majority of your time with people who are the opposite in order to grow. This causes frustration and disagreement but the most personal growth.

ANYWAY, that just all made me realize more about myself and where I'm going. Since I'm one of those through time people, I need to surround myself with others who know how to live in the moment. I've been so concerned with finding the perfect Christian program for nursing that I can; and I've ended up tying myself into my own complicated spider web. You must destroy the spider in order to eliminate the web, right? Otherwise the web will just continue to be spun?

Trusting God is an area in which I need to continue to grow. I always think that I feel the Lord speaking to me about something and then I start towards it but find that something goes wrong. I'm obviously the factor that remains the same every time, so I know my perspective needs to change.

"Keeping the spiritual and temporal balance happens only through humble and frequent prayer. As we recognize how dependent we are on God, we receive His blessings with less vanity and more joy."

Psalm 90:12 says, "Teach us to realize the brevity of life, so that we may gain hearts of wisdom."

Dispelling Melancholy

Tonight's devotion talks about the LORD making us instruments of His peace: "LORD, make me an instrument. Use me." When we pray this, "the world ceases to be one's enemy. Life is no longer nasty, mean, brutish, and short; but the time one needs to make it less nasty and mean. We are brought back instantaneously to the reality of our faith, that we are NOT passive recipients but active instruments." St. Francis of Assisi wrote this:
"Where there is hatred, let me sow love. Where there is doubt, let me sow faith. Where there is despair, let me sow hope."

I really need to hear this tonight. I've still been struggling with my self-image; loneliness; depression; and where I'm supposed to be going in life. Since December I've been set on going back for my Master of Nursing, and there are all of these doubts that keep showing up at the door. They're pounding! I feel like I'm not doing anything right. I prayerfully make these decisions and feel like the Lord is calling me to something; and yet the realities and practicalities all come flooding back. Ministry or nursing? Why not both? And why is there this need for me to be at a private school? Is it just because I'm scared to be at a public school again and to face so many people? Am I that selfish that I need a small campus where my faith is promoted? I just don't know anymore. My head is swimming with ideas and possibilities and past failures and all. I know I preach not living in the past, which, with the exception of my schoolwork, I don't. I look at where I was a year ago and am disgusted with my faith. I was drowning in depression and self-infliction and I had fallen away from the Lord because I didn't even know how to approach Him. Today that's so different, but I'm still searching for answers.

I created this theory tonight: So loneliness is the physical act of being by oneself. Emptiness is what stems as a result. But loneliness is real and emptiness is not. In fact, I think emptiness is self-infliction at its highest. Emptiness means that you're letting that loneliness take over who you are; your thoughts; mostly your faith. You start to ask why no one else around you feels this empty and low. You ask yourself why you're not good enough for anyone. Time alone destroys the mind. It allows the enemy to knock you down at your lowest point; rather than accepting that yes, you may be alone but knowing that God's using that in some way. Just my thoughts!

Blessings!

Rest in the LORD

Matthew 11:28, Psalm 34:18, Proverbs 3:5-6, Revelation 21:4; these are only a decimal of the verses I need to hear today. I've just returned from Israel. I know, I know, it's the Holy Land. I should be so thrilled and blessed that I had the opportunity to walk where Jesus walked! And I am! It was the most amazing thing I've ever done and ever will do-- the peace that "transcends all understanding" was so beautiful to have. I was so overcome with emotion of what Jesus went through. For ME, a sinner. A hater. An ungrateful soul who is spoiled. Us people, who grow angry at stupid things, and the list goes on and on and on. I started reading Brennan Manning's The Ragamuffin Gospel and it talks exactly about this: God's abundant grace for us abundant sinners and unworthy. Who are WE that the LORD would take pleasure in us? Send Jesus to serve and heal us? Forgive us for the things we do?

Even in the shadow of all this, I found myself growing frustrated with stupid things today. I was driving around in my car in the city; and people in other cars were making me angry. I got terribly lost and wasted an hour, which made me angry. These things that catch us up smack in the middle of life make us stop and realize that this IS life! This is what it is! Offer what you're doing to God, just as Brother Lawrence says. Recognize God's will in all things doubtful. I truly need to remember that. Be alert to what the Spirit is doing at ALL times in your life. No matter what you're doing, God is there. He is there when you are happy, sad, angry, frustrated. Every minute.

How Did Brother Lawrence Do It?

February 9th.

"Brother Lawrence committed mind and soul to unbroken communion with God, continuously occupied with praising, worshiping, and loving Him. How could he pull that off moment by moment in a busy kitchen or while traveling?

He persevered in training himself to do EVERYthing in the kitchen or on the road, for the love of God.

He prayed at every juncture for God's grace to do the work.

He gave no thought to death or his sins, but only to doing small things for the love of God. Great things, he said, he was unable to do.

He realized God was intimately present withing him and so he constantly asked for His help.

He was alert to recognize God's will in "all things doubtful."

When he saw what God required, he did his very best.

He offered what he was doing to God.

After doing it, he gave THANKS to God.

He said, "There is not in the world a way of life more sweet, nor more delightful than continual converse with God. Only those who practice and savor it can understand."

Read Colossians 4:2.

Gracious and Merciful

February 5th discusses more on 1 Corinthians 13, the ultimate love verse! I love it, love it, love it. Such powerful words to convey one message: love.

And then February 6th is about realism. Money wisdom. It essentially comes down to this: GAIN ALL YOU CAN. SAVE ALL YOU CAN. GIVE ALL YOU CAN. Whatever you have left, give. Matthew 6:20 makes this clear. "Store your treasures in heaven, where moth and rust cannot destroy, and thieves do not break in and steal. Wherever your treasure is, there the desires of your heart will ALSO be."

February 7th talks about God's transformation of us-- how we go from absurd living to obedient living. Again, short and simple! Obedience also requires listening, the most important step. We seem "much more wired to make personal decisions and requests just to talk, than to listen." Silence speaks a thousand words, it's true. Henri Nouwen continues by saying, "Our God is a God who cares, heals, guides, directs, challenges, confronts, corrects, and forms us." So EVERYTHING WE ARE IS CHRIST!

February 8th can be summed up with one of my favorite verses: Lamentations 3:22. It says, "Because of the LORD's great love, we are never consumed, for His compassions NEVER fail. They are new EVERY morning; great is Your faithfulness." This paints such a beautiful image for me. We're here on Earth living life from day to day. We may feel consumed by the things we face, but we are not being consumed by anything but the LORD's love for us. For me. For you. God is forgiving. He sent His son, and He loves us with mercy and grace (Psalm 111:4).

Escaping Small Imprisonments

John Henry Jowett writes that faith is doing God's will and quietly leaving the results to Him. I like that. Simple, makes sense. John says this brings peace. "He shall not panic, neither fetching fears from yesterday nor from tomorrow." We're supposed to leave everything in our LORD's hands, right? We've heard this. "Cast all your anxieties on Him, for He cares for you," says 1 Peter 5:7. YOU personally! How wild is that? We know that life is fragile-- that love is fragile. People can hurt, grow, and learn. Yet what choice do we have but to place our anxieties into those whose perfect hands can mold our problems and bring the most beautiful, unexplainable resolutions?

Jowett says it's enough to feel pressure of a guiding hand. "He brings us out of our small imprisonments and sets our feet in a large place." Think of the sky. Use this as an analogy. God told Abraham to leave his tent that evening and look up to the sky, where He was. Abraham did. We have this same opportunity every day. We can wake up in the morning, do all the things to get ready, but we have to step out the front door at some point, right? It's then and there that we decide who we are going to submit to-- God or anyone else?

"Father, You see how anxious I am about so many things, including regrets from yesterday and fears for tomorrow. Open my mind, heart, and spirit to Your grandeur and love."

Psalm 98:1 says, "Sing a new song to the LORD, for He has done wonderful deeds."

AMEN! On the day that I am supposed to be leaving for Israel, here I am worrying about tomorrow-- worrying about unknown fears, what people think of me, how can I do this when the longest flight I've ever endured was 5 hours? Now double that. Are you crazy? It's taken me so much to realize these things occurring around our world today-- and right now with Egypt-- have made things a tad tense.

Matthew 28:10 says, "Save your fears for God, who holds your entire life-- body and soul-- in His hands. His hands that save the world are holding me, holding me. Hebrews 13:6 says, "God is there, ready to help. I'm fearless no matter what. Who or what can get to me?" This is the mindset I know I should have! Viewing my loving, beautiful Savior as perfectly capable of protecting me and delivering me from my fears. I have this opportunity to travel to the place where my Savior was born. I am going to walk where Jesus walked. How AMAZING and out of this world awesome is that?! Give me Jesus!

In Dark Wood? Look Up!

The dark woods differ for each of us, but the need for faith is the same. Amy Carmichael writes, "Look up to the light that pours into the wood from high above the trees. The long, pure rays of that conquering light are interwoven with the tall stems of the trees, even as threads bright and dark are interwoven in the web of our lives." When we are in the dark, we may forget the bright threads that give us hope. Despite afflictions, continue to PRAY and LOVE.

Psalm 18:28 says, "The LORD, my God, lights up my darkness." How thankful I am for this! He is our portion, the One true love.

This video by The Afters is amazing. The lyrics really speak to me!

Temptation

Pray anyway. When you're tempted, pray. "Never wait to pray," says Martin Luther. We're lucky, blessed, and privileged that we do not have to live in bondage to sin and temptation.

We are able to control what the mind thinks. The battlefield exists in our minds, and we have a choice to who and what we submit to. Christ "intercedes for you. He pleads for you, saying, 'Father, for this person I have suffered. I am looking after this person.'" And instantly we are blessed. We are victorious in the LORD. What a PROMISE, a beautiful promise! 1 John 2:1 says, "I am writing to you so that you will not sin. But if anyone does sin, we have an advocate who pleads our case before the Father. He is Jesus Christ, the one who is truly righteous."