I'm a Wretched Human Being

Life is hard. Does anyone else agree? Oh, good. I find myself, among many others, feeling as if I'm going through life alone more times than not. And my less rational self tells me that I absolutely SHOULD be going through it alone; that no one wants to help, and if I ask, then I make myself a burden. I'm trying very hard to kick the devil in the shins every time I think that way. We need people. We need each other. Not ALL the time--because solitude is a necessity as well--but nonetheless, we were created to rejoice with others and weep with others. I've never minded people coming to me for help. I love it! Doesn't it feel good to know that someone trusts you enough to come to you? But it's not so easy to change the game and ask others for help. And often those in helping positions usually suffer from this game. I can't weasel my way into things that don't concern me. Sometimes I can't even manage to stand up for myself. So where does all this lead?

Good question.

It doesn't necessarily have to lead anywhere. Can't I just acknowledge that life is hard? Can I sit in silence and listen for God's voice? I can imagine His response would be similar to the following: "It's not supposed to be easy. It's SUPPOSED to be full of trials and difficulties, your journey, but trust in Me because I clear the path. I fight the impossible battles. Because you have been singled out, chosen by Me, and who are YOU but a measly human to point out my nonexistent flaws?! You listen to the world. You're waged in a war between the spirit and the flesh. Your ways are not My ways. Your spirit tells you to fight to loose the chains of injustice which plague the world you are a part of, to give up the fight, to relinquish control; but your flesh desires to be invisible, to be knocked over on the breath of life. Your body longs for rugged edges and angles, not curves and flowing lines."

How crazy is it that I then read 1 Peter 2:9-10 which says, "You are a chosen people. You are a kingdom of priests, God's holy nation, His own possession. This is so you can show others the goodness of God, for He called you OUT of darkness and into His wonderful light. Once you were not a people. Now you are the people of God."

So .... wait, what? I reject God every time my self-image plummets; every time I compare; every time I secretly desire what I know I shouldn't???? But I don't WANT to reject God!!!! What are my deepest fears about discovering who I really am? That's what we all need to answer. Oddly enough, then, the chunks of Romans 2 and Romans 7 floated into my mind. I'm telling you, the spirit tonight is strong....covering me. God is calling to me through His word.

Romans 2:17-21 says, "Now if you call yourself a Jew, if you rely on the law and boast in God; if you know His will and approve of what is superior because you are instructed by the law; if you are convinced you are a guide for the blind, a light for those in darkness, an instructor of the foolish, or a teacher of little children because you have in the law the embodiment of knowledge and truth--you then, who teach others, DO YOU NOT TEACH YOURSELF?"

Then, "I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but sin living in me. For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, my sinful nature. For I have the DESIRE to do what is good but cannot carry it out. For I do not do the good thing I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do. Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I DELIGHT in God's law. But I see another law at work within me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a PRISONER of the law of sin at work within me." (7:15-23)

Wow. What a wretched human I am. And what a great Savior I have.