My Awesome Savior

Psalm 150:6 says, "Let everything that has breath praise the Lord." Tonight I had the privilege of attending Global Day of Prayer at North Central University in Minneapolis. And wow, were my socks completely knocked off. Jeff Deyo, former lead vocalist for the band Sonic Flood, led the worship there in the chapel, and it was the most awe-inspiring thing I've ever seen! Not to mention a huge chapel full of people lifting their hands in worship and praise to the One and only Jesus! And He is so good to me! I cannot even stop smiling, my heart is on fire! I haven't felt this way for Christ all year! I've just been pleading, praying, and waiting for Him to finally pour some fuel into my heart and set it ablaze again, and tonight was the night! We prayed over the entire Twin Cities area, hoping for transformation of hearts and minds to bring the cities of Minneapolis and St. Paul to Jesus. So far 12 churches have been planted and people are being saved left and right! What a praise that is! Tomorrow kicks off a prayer walk from E. Lake Street all the way to the union of Minneapolis and St. Paul, which begins weekly prayer walks every Monday. That will be such a beautiful sight. And the sound of screams and shouts and praises to the Lord upon arrival at the end point will be so beautiful. The times when prayer walks have gone through the urban areas are times when the crime rates were at all-time lows. If that's not God in the atmosphere then I don't know what is! So anyways. These next 90 Days of Blessing over the Twin Cities area are hopefully a start to people stepping out of their comfort zones to bring the Good News to the people, me included! And on the way home my friend was telling me about this PWI thing that North Central University is offering this summer. It's called Pure Worship Institute (PWI) and it is led by the same Jeff Deyo we saw tonight. It takes place in June for one week. Any musicians, songwriters, vocalists, or worshipers looking for the time of their life to worship and grow in music is allowed to attend. Could this be the reason God wanted me to stay here? Is this what He has in store? Who knows? He does. All I know is that I want to grow more in love with Christ than ever. I want to understand more what it fully and truly means to fall to my knees and lift my arms in praise and worship. I want my singing voice to grow. I want to sing for my Lord. So I think I'm going to attend! And looking at the registration and website I don't think I've been excited for something so much in a long time. God always has something up His sleeve. He is always twenty, one hundred, one million steps ahead of where I am. And despite the struggles this year and this summer brought, I know He loves me more than anything. He has a plan for my life. And as of this afternoon I have never been more thrilled that I have such a Savior Who loves me right where I am!

I need to go do some Yoga. And I need to get down on my knees and pray to God about giving me peace in my heart. Peace for the upcoming week, as I make some very big decisions about my Master's program and joining the Peace Corps. I feel like my brain is being melted by all of these thoughts and worries running around, and if I don't do something to get them out they'll destroy me!

"For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope." -Jeremiah 29:11

"A man’s heart plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps." -Proverbs 16:9

"I will instruct you and teach you in the way should go; I will guide you with My eye." -Psalm 32:8

"The Lord will guide you continually …" -Isaiah 58:11

In this game with God, we have to give ourselves pep talks from time to time, telling ourselves that God has complete control of our entire situation, that the ship is not going to sink, and that our breakthrough will come at the time that He has it set up to occur on His timetable.

Until that happens, do what the last verse says to do – "Rest in the Lord." Otherwise you will drive yourself crazy with all of the nervous energy that will start to eat at you and rob you of your peace and joy that you now have in the Lord. When it is all said and done, you will look back on all of this and see that you had wasted a tremendous amount of negative energy, since it will have been shown to you that God finally came through for you.

Trust me – I have seen God come through time and time again without fail. There is a saying that many have heard – "God is never late, but He is never early." This means that God will come in with the breakthrough on His time schedule – not ours!

Those are some words of wisdom from Michael Bradley.

More Than Enough

I am still continuing with Leslie Ludy's amazing book, and I am learning more and more each day of the importance of sacrificing all my dreams, hopes, and desires to my Lord and King, who can satisfy my every need. I am finding and enjoying the numerous opportunities, yes, opportunities, of my singleness. This is even more time for me to focus on the Lord. And after one of the most difficult years of my life, I cannot think of a better way to spend my summer. There is so much I owe to Him; so many ways in which I shamed Him this year. And not just this year- each thing I do is unworthy of what I try to bring to Him. And He is willing to fulfill me anyways! What a Savior! I am created with a void that only Jesus is meant to fill! And thank goodness He doesn't give up on me!

Chapter six is called "Giving God a Hand." "It is far better to trust in the Lord than to put confidence in man," reads Psalm 118:8. "Some trust in chariots and some in horses; but we will remember the name of the Lord our God," reads Psalm 20:7. Often women feel that marriage is a game of "survival of the fittest" and that all the good men have been claimed; and those who guard their feminine mystique and focus on Christ are left int he dust. Modern voices and Satan's knowing us as well as anything else make this spiritual battle even more difficult. Another lie is that getting married isn't something that's "nice if it happens." It's something that a majority of women are called to actually pursue. But even Jesus, Who was sent by the Father, awaited for the Lord to tell Him what to do and when. He was certainly not helpless. He just deliberately chose to be dependent upon His Father in heaven. Ludy tells us that we're not actually supposed to pursue marriage! We're supposed to pursue "righteousness, faith, love, and peace," as is written in 2 Timothy 2:22. "When Paul talks about single young women, he says, 'The unmarried woman cares about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy in both body and spirit,' not 'The unmarried woman is called to pursue marriage.' Nowhere in Scripture are we called to actually pursue marriage itself!" I think this is such a great approach. Our thoughts are that we'll "help" God along with what we think He's calling us to, and we'll just have Him place a stamp of APPROVED or DENIED once we're done. WRONG! Reading through Ruth, or even knowing a glimpse of her story, is such a good example of a woman who, after becoming a widow, gave up everything in her life for the sake of Naomi and following the Lord Jesus in life. Eventually Christ DID BLESS HER because of her obedience. Watch. Pray. Listen. Obey. Sit back, relax, and wonder as God does His amazing work.

Chapter seven is called "Marriage Above Else: Exploring the Issue of Idolatry." Ludy writes that contemporaries state that because marriage is God-given, it cannot become an idol in life. WRONG again! Idolatry is not simply anything made of gold or silver or ivory or even wood. It does not mean bowing down to the plastic figures on a wedding cake. It means "She went after her lovers (or ANYTHING else), but Me she forgot" says the Lord in Hosea 2:13. So the desire to get married is not an idol in a young woman's life, but the obsession with getting married above God's will is. G.D. Watson states that quite nicely: "When you are so possessed with the Loving God that you are, in your secret heart, pleased and delighted over His particular personal, private, and jealous guardianship over your life, you will have found the vestibule of heaven." Amen, man, Amen. Elisabeth Elliot also has the right idea: "A good and perfect gift, natural desires are. But so much more the necessary they be restrained, controlled, even crucified, that they might be reborn in power and purity for God." That is so powerful! And why is it so hard to give God everything we have in that way? Psalm 16:8 says, "I have the set the Lord ALWAYS before me. Because He is at my right hand, I shall not be moved." But we are. By the littlest, most unimportant things in life.

Chapter eight ("Doesn't God Want Me to Be Happy: Understanding God's Heart for Singleness") writes about self-denial and self-fulfillment. Lies are that singleness cannot possibly be a gift because God never intends for us to be unhappy or miserable. Again, wrong. Hurrying up and "getting married already" is a selfish desire. It is self-fulfillment. Jesus NEVER said, "Surely I refuse to be crucified on the cross. That sounds miserable. God doesn't want that for me, He's crazy! Death is a curse and a shame!" Rather He endured the cross and death for me. And may I never, ever seek the benefits of Christ without the cross. "The way is narrow, rocky, and painful. But it is the same road Jesus walked, and I delight to follow in His steps."

Where Do I Go?

"God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble." -Psalm 46:1

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." -Matthew 11:28-30

"An anxious heart weighs a man down, but a kind word cheers him up." -Proverbs 12:25

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek His will in all you do,
and He will show you which path to take." -Proverbs 3:5-6

And I know all these things. I study Your Word faithfully-- albeit not as much as I should lately-- but I study it. And it encourages me. Yet thinking about all the things I have to do to prepare for next fall, my last semester, and an internship in the spring, followed by starting a Master's program in the summer, where do I go? I am so afraid that I will make a wrong decision. I don't even know where to begin. I'm so anxious (in a bad way) about this whole Peace Corps thing. Traveling the world and helping people have always been my top two goals in life. I set such high standards that my career in medicine would bring me to every third-world country in the universe and that I would be able to make a difference. My heart still yearns to be in Africa. Or Europe. Bringing the words of Christ and bringing medicine and health. But this application process for the Peace Corps is so extensive. And maybe it's just me needing more information before I decide to apply. But that leaves me with a month. One month before applications for next summer are due. I need Your guidance now more than ever, Lord. Please. All I ask of You is that You would guide me in the direction I am to go.

"Test me, O Lord, and try me, examine my heart and my mind; for Your love is ever before me and I walk continually in Your truth." -Psalm 26:2

You're Gonna Miss This

"You're Gonna Miss This" by Trace Adkins

She was staring out that window, of that SUV
Complaining, saying I can't wait to turn 18
She said I'll make my own money, and I'll make my own rules
Mama put the car in park out there in front of the school
Then she kissed her head and said I was just like you

You're gonna miss this
You're gonna want this back
You're gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast
These Are Some Good Times
So take a good look around
You may not know it now
But you're gonna miss this

Before she knows it she's a brand new bride
In a one-bedroom apartment, and her daddy stops by
He tells her It's a nice place
She says It'll do for now
Starts talking about babies and buying a house
Daddy shakes his head and says Baby, just slow down

You're gonna miss this
You're gonna want this back
You're gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast
These Are Some Good Times
So take a good look around
You may not know it now
But you're gonna miss this

Five years later there's a plumber workin' on the water heater
Dog's barkin', phone's ringin'
One kid's cryin', one kid's screamin'
She keeps apologizin'
He says They don't bother me.
I've got 2 babies of my own.
One's 36, one's 23.
Huh, it's hard to believe, but ...

You're gonna miss this
You're gonna want this back
You're gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast
These Are Some Good Times
So take a good look around
You may not know it now
But you're gonna miss this
You're gonna miss this
Yeah, you're gonna miss this

Going back to LSHS tonight for the spring Pops concert was kind of unbelievable. Even the same road I drove for two years had me asking, "Has it already been two years since I graduated?" Yes, it has. Time definitely flies. I've never really been in a position where I had to ask myself that, but tonight it slapped me in the face like a ton of bricks. And it was double-weird because I had never been to a choir concert when I wasn't singing in it. So much has changed the past two years. All those people I remembered and enjoyed spending time with are now graduating. How weird is that?! I honestly couldn't get over it. Hearing them sing reminded me of how much I miss having music in my life every day (given that I was in a chorus last year as a freshman). Sure, I can't go a minute without singing leisurely, but as a class in school, how I miss it...So I put these lyrics up because this is one of my favorite songs, and it was the one that popped into my head as I was driving home tonight. Time stops for no one and nothing, but there is a time for everything.

Tantor

I LOVE TANTOR (and the movie, of course)!

Alaska

I would like to move to Alaska, just saying.

Can You Say Bored?

Well today was...semi-alright. I got to sleep in. And then I sat at Caribou for three and a half hours doing homework, which was just lovely (although I just started this online class and am already 1/4 of the way finished). And then I did my sister's hair for prom (she looked beautiful) and then watched my parents head off to a surprise 50th birthday party for a friend. I sat in the kitchen staring at the wall for about twenty minutes before hopping on my bike and speeding around the neighborhood twice. Then I came home, played guitar for about two hours, fooled around on piano, did some more nothing, and then wow, it's 1:24 in the morning. Where did ALL that time go?! There were a few times I just wanted to rip my hair out but I know it's going to be OKAY. Somewhere beneath all the boredom God truly does have a plan! I have decided to start going through the book of Daniel again with my discipleship partner, so I am excited for that! We decided to have once-a-week discussion, so that starts next Friday! I hope I understand what God is trying to tell me now. I just want Him to continue using me in the lives of others. That is all that matters to me-- remaining in His Word, especially-- and discerning what this summer is going to look like at the end of August when I go back to school. Will I look back and be proud of my efforts? Or will I ask myself if I could have done more? Hopefully it's not the latter.

Sacred Singleness

I just began reading "Sacred Singleness" by Leslie Ludy last night. It's actually funny how I got the book. I was planning to buy it on Amazon.com and I came home from college to find out that my mom bought it for me, along with Eric Ludy's "Wrestling Prayer." How amazing! I'm already halfway through the book and can't seem to put it down. I see my own self pouring through these pages and it makes me so happy! My eyes have been opened by Leslie's powerful words and Scripture. There are so many things that I'd like to post on here that I took notes on, but I'll try to keep it to a minimum.

Firstly, there are two quotes by Hananh Hurnard that are just fabulous . "God has made us for Himself, and our hearts can never know rest and perfect satisfaction until they find it in Him," and " Love is not a feeling. It is an overmastering passion, to cast ourselves down like a waterfall in happy giving, asking nothing in return except for the joy of loving. When we really begin to learn and practice that lesson we shall begin to feel at home in the eternal world of selfless love. It is not some special feeling one waits for, nor some special person to evoke it. It is an attitude of will. I will cast myself down in giving. The lower I go the more love I am able to transmit from God to others, just like the Lord of love Himself, who was not content until He took the lowest place in the universe." The opening chapters of the book discuss how Jesus is the only One who can fill our needs. Nothing like marriage, a husband, children, or fairy-tale dreams will ever take the place of Jesus. " And until we are content with Him alone we aren’t truly ready for an earthly romance that will stand the test of time. Why? Because it’s all too easy to start clinging to a human instead of to Jesus." How true! And I speak as someone who's been single my entire life-- and I see this happen with friends every day.

Secondly, our "emotions must become subservient to the Spirit of God—to His will, His agenda, His purpose, His direction. It’s not about doing what we feel like doing, it’s about what the Lord is asking of us Get alone with your King, meditate upon who He really is, allow Him to give you His heart and vision for the beauty of true surrender. It’s not a doorway into misery; it’s a doorway to abundant life, joy, peace, and strength." This is also true. We need to be able to die to self in order to experience God and who He truly is. Ian Thomas said " Death to all that you are is the only gateway through which you may enter into the fullness of all that Christ is." Well, I want that. I want to surrender all that I am to Christ this summer. I want to experience Him in a way I never have before. I want that fire back in my life that is Jesus!

The third chapter of the book talks about finding romance with Jesus. "Singleness is an incredible opportunity to be fully consecrated in body and spirit to Jesus alone—to be undistracted by any other romance and free to be consumed with Him." This is what I want more than anything. Given, of course, that I have already had my entire life to experience this, I want to experience it anew; not only being undistracted by other romances but anything at all that hinders me from God. There is obviously a reason that so many plans have fallen through this summer. I know God is speaking to me, and I need to figure out why that is.

Chapters four and five focus on the modern church and their criticisms of being single. So many young single women feel abandoned or pressured by the church to find a spouse and be "happy." They say, among many authors, that taking joy in singleness is almost a sin! "Endless pressure—both from outside and inside the church—exist upon single women to take matters into their own hands when it comes to love and marriage. "God created marriage. He is the only who gave you the desire to be married. So why don’t you just do whatever you possibly can to help the process along and find a husband? God wants you to go out there and meet guys, date around, and join online dating services. When you search for a man you’re doing what He created you to do!"

Many writers contend that if we are among those who actually believe God has a purpose and plan for our singleness, we are guilty of diminishing the importance and sanctity of marriage. Some even go as far as to say that if we choose to joyfully embrace our singleness as a gift from God, we have been touched by Satan himself. Some authors have even written that Men and women who are not connected in marriage are like the mutilated members of a mangled body. Well, then, I am in deep trouble. I have known nothing but. And you know what? I love it. I love my life. I enjoy where I am, wanting to serve God with my life. I look around and see that nearly all except for a countable number of friends (on one hand) are engaged or already married; some even have kids already. That is not for me. I know that and I am content with that. And heck, I thank God for it every day!