The Lord's Presence

I am continually amazed by God's faithfulness. He has revealed to me even more than I ever thought possible these past few weeks. I've been writing a lot about the stresses of December's graduation, the struggle to find an internship for the spring, and where the heck He is leading me next fall. I've also written about what He is teaching me day to day. I find myself praying that because today is Monday, I only need to get through Tuesday. Not Wednesday, but Tuesday. I am tired of looking at my life in a mirror, trying to pin-point where I will be in 3 months, 6 months, a year. It's tiresome and stressful. Why not trust in the Lord's plan each day? He provides me with something new anyways, something I definitely never expected! So anyways...back to the story. He has faithfully provided 2 internship interviews, one over the phone, and one in person when I go home next week. The in-person interview is at The Emily Program, a St.Paul-based organization that deals with eating disorders. I was really hoping to intern with them and be closer to home as well, so this is just a miracle. I have looked at about 45 or 50 places to intern- ceaselessly calling, emailing, and sending letters, but without success. And now...success! It's amazing how He makes us patiently wait; of course, He always waits with us and provides us with what we need along the way. That time of waiting is truly a blessing; it is a time to evaluate the mind, the heart, and obligations. I've been using that time to explore options in ministry, and think I am going to apply for a Master's in Spiritual Formation and Discipleship at Moody Bible Institute. This is a big step, since I really need to be closer to home for awhile, yet am discovering that I'm not sure if I could thrive in crazy Chicago for 2 years. But if that's where God wants me, it's where I'll go. I've never found a program like this one, offering a degree in-- essentially-- being intentional in people's lives. That is ultimately what I want. Whether this degree will lead me into worship ministry or camp ministry, who knows?! I certainly don't! But I do know that the Lord will be faithful, just as I strive to be faithful in return. I know I do a crummy job, because I am not worthy of anything. So continue to pray that I will walk in the presence of the Lord, and be discerning what He has planned!

More Grace

My heart is just overflowing in love for the Lord right now! I sat in my kitchen today, looking up YouTube videos for the songs I'm helping lead for worship on Sunday. It's amazing that, in the right moment, God can just send you His words. I immediately started singing at the top of my lungs and I couldn't help it! As I've said before I have never been one to just sit back and take the days as they come. If I didn't have things planned out months ahead of time I went into complete chaos. Well, the Lord has given me such a peace. He has learned to make me content with what I have each and every day that I'm on this earth. Each morning is a gift because it means I have one more opportunity to serve the Lord in some way. I fail, and the Lord still gives me more grace. What have I ever done to deserve it?!

The Lord's Faithfulness

Philippians 4:12-13 says, "I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through Him who gives me strength."

Yes. I know this to be true after what has taken place this week. Through hardships-- more than I think I've ever faced in the context of school and the REST of my life-- He has taught me patience and contentment. Although I've found my stress and blood pressure levels most likely higher than they are supposed to be, I am "happy" about where He is leading me. I have never been one to live day by day. I have been one to have my future mapped out, and I thought I did. I thought I knew exactly where I was supposed to be and what I was supposed to be doing. But again, how wrong was I?

So here is the short version of the story. I would sit and type it all now, but I feel very exhausted. The short version is that the Lord has called me into ministry. Yes! Not medicine or health, but ministry. And where am I supposed to go after I've graduated in December? I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA! I'm waiting on that part. It's scary to me, the thought of having pushed myself so hard for 2 years to graduate early...and not even using that degree. But at least I know I worked hard and followed the Lord where He told me to go. It doesn't matter where I go or what I use. My hard work was just had work. I know I will work hard at anything I do, but I don't want that to pull me away from the plans the Lord has for me. Ultimately I am having to live each day as it comes, since I have no idea what I'm doing. For once, though, I'm happy with that. God has been faithful to me, even though I know I have let stress and opposition bring me down these past few weeks. I have never clung to the Lord or fallen to my knees as hard as I have lately, and there is beauty that I can't even identify when that happened.